Wednesday, August 10, 2005


The above was forwarded to me by my cousin Joe recently, and I was struck by the absolute silliness of the point being made. Republicans are right because they're prettier than Democrats.

I could argue the statistical flaws of the argument (this sample is not a sample, but a biased selection made for purpose), but for the sake of causing additional trouble, I'll buy the argument. Democratic women are ugly. Republican women are good-looking.

It's an observation I've tended to make while driving and refraining from giving the finger to... um, jerks... driving expensive imported German and Japanese cars. These... um, jerks... tend to be very good-looking and tanned (because they're white, you know), and, when they're women, very good-looking and tanned and trim and blonde.

Research over the years has shown that good-looking people in general do better than less-than-good-looking people. They make more money, they have more friends, they perform better on the job, they win more elections, they aren't arrested for using their Scientologist beliefs to bed women barely old enough to have sex. When I was beginning my real estate career, I was told flat-out by one broker with whom I'd interviewed that I weighed too much to be successful.

Consequently, I believe this general trend in human affairs would mean that these successful pretty people would achieve success and then would rationalize their success by saying it came from working hard and that working hard should make it easy for everyone to succeed. They will then add the corollary that if you aren't succeeding, you aren't working hard enough.

There are many people in this country who see the fallacy of this argument. Among them are the dark-skinned, the over-50, and the overweight. Add to this the fetish for dismissing the value of having or seeking intelligence, and the entire issue becomes hugely depressing.

I would contend that, if we buy the above argument that women who have achieved great success are unattractive (and, gosh darn it, maybe it's the Democrat in me, but I had a crush on Hillary Rodham Clinton from the moment I first saw her, despite those legs), I would suggest that we pay even more heed to them, because they have clearly achieved recognition from intelligence and hard work exclusively, and not because somebody thought they had a nice smile, a taut tush, smoldering eyes, or killer abs.

Here's a story from my own life that my spouse (whose own attractiveness is not up for debate, although there are pictures that would have the Republicans calling her to sign her up) knows. In my early 20s I had lost a bunch of weight and begun to run, and all of a sudden I had the ability to call up attractive women and actually have them agree to share a meal or a movie with me. In the time before I began to date my wife, I knew this one woman whom I thought was stunningly attractive. Out we went.

Let me tell you now, I would date Bella Abzug's corpse before I would date this woman again. There was no spirited conversation, no awareness of the world beyond her limited viewpoint, no interest in anything other than herself. It was the most eye-opening of my experiences with the opposite sex. Despite a pretty enthusiastic end of date experience which seemed to indicate a real interest, I never pursued the relationship.

Of course, 25 years later I have no idea whether this woman is a Republican or a Democrat. But I can tell you that I would much rather spend any amount of time with an "unattractive" woman who can think, who is open, and who is able to think or do interesting things versus a beautiful woman who can't think for herself and doesn't understand the world enough to be at least aware of the possibility that her success may be tainted.

Sure, I wouldn't have paid to see Andrea Dworkin as a Playboy centerfold. But she'd have made a better anything than any of the women on the Republican side of the graphic above.

1 comment:

Jim Chadwick said...

Excellent piece, Mike. There are so many aspects to this image that absolutely irritate me that I don't know where to begin. But I will start with the obvious fact that this is a stacked deck, finding the most flattering pictures of the prettiest Republican women and then finding the most embarrassing photos of those who are Democrats. And by the way: does anyone know if Andrea Dworkin was in fact a registered Democrat? This seems to me to smack of one of those cases where anyone liberal or leftist is automatically assumed to be a Democrat. Imagine the indignant uproar if we did a reverse variation, putting images of well known fascists under the heading "Republican" and revered humanitarians under the banner "Democrats" and put Hitler in with Republicans. Not that I am comparing Dworkin to Hitler, but the Dworkin inclusion is an obvious pitch to the home team and to encourage the notion of Democrats as out of touch with the mainstream extremists.(And fat and ugly, by the way.)

In fact, I guarantee if I did the same sort of thing on my blog, so-called libertarians with clear Republican leanings like my brother would make some morally outraged arguement about the shrillness and pettiness of the left, the cheap values of the Hollywood crowd, etc. etc.

You have raised some good points, but here's one (or two) more. Good nutrition and supportive upbringing, enhanced by economic opportunity would, I think, tend to allow and encourage financially better off people to develop and enhance better physical attributes. Also, a lot of attractive, conservative women are commonly found among the ranks of the so-called "trophy wives," those well-bred, well-groomed, mild-mannered and "yes dear, anything you say" types that tend to be found among the upper classes, who also tend to vote Republican and generally inherent their political beliefs from Daddy or the rich guy they are tagged to marry. (Trophy wives among rich Liberals found in Hollywood, on the other hand, tend to be coked out, mindless bimbos.)

And by the way, I just don't get this whole idea about Anne Coulter being "so hot." Besides looking like she's been on the Auschwitz diet, here's a clear case to me where the blackness of one's soul comes out through the eyes and negates whatever appealing physical attributes she might have. She is hellspawn. My heart turns to ice and I feel my genitals getting sucked back into my abdomen at the mere sight of her.