Friday, May 03, 2002


I don't know what excites me more -- the idea that Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah Winfrey and Bryant Gumbel are leaving the air, or NBC is discussing the idea of putting former president William Jefferson Clinton on the air.

There's no doubt that Bill Clinton was the first real TV president. Sure, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan knew how to use TV, but Bill Clinton was born to be on TV. He was his own afternoon soap opera for eight years. What lie would he be caught in? Was he cheating on his wife? Was his wife too concerned about her own career to serve as a proper spouse? What would become of his daughter? And what about his earnest sidekick, Al?

I am ready and waiting for a Bill Clinton TV show. I just hope it isn't Oprah For Middle-Class White Liberals.

Here's what I want to see on The Bill Clinton Show:

Cheerleaders. Lots of 'em. Doing dance numbers in slinky blue dresses.

Prank Phone Calls. I want Bill calling Chief Justice William Rehnquist and asking him if his refrigerator is running.

Name That Sandwich! We blindfold the ex-prez, then ask him to identify what ingredients are in the sandwich he's fed by an attractive young woman in I Dream of Jeannie garb.

Beer Shots With Heads of State. Can Bill get King Abdullah to party hearty? You know it!

Wife-Swapping Auction. At the start of each show, Bill starts an auction; winner gets to go home to Hillary. Any money raised pays off his legal defense expenses.

Judge Bill. Once a week, Bill dons judicial garb and resolves the petty problems of world leaders. Peace in the Middle East? Leave that to Jimmy Carter. King Juan Carlos stole Jacques Chirac's lawn gnome? Bill's your man!

Sax Classics. Bill pulls out his ax and plays hits from the past -- everything from Lennon to McCartney.

Truth or Consequences. Bill calls up an authority figure and tries to lie his way into something.

Visits With Al. Once a week neighbor Al Gore stops by to discuss how to reinvent something.

I think the Bill Clinton Show would be the first hit of the TiVo Generation. Plan on watching it today!