TOP TEN SAYINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ON YOUR VALENTINE'S CANDY HEARTS

TOP TEN SAYINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ON YOUR VALENTINE'S CANDY HEARTS

Every week I submit what I think are powerfully funny entries to the Late Night With David Letterman Top Ten contest page.

Every week I get aced out by jokes judged funnier. Half the time they're right, of course, but sometimes they're not.

So, what the heck, until Letterman sues my ass, here's my entries for this week -- with the added pressure of posting before Valentine's Day.

Top Ten Sayings You Don't Want To See On Your Valentine's Candy Hearts

10. Viagra.
9. 24.7% Recycled Content.
8. Lick my back hair.
7. R U Brokeback 2?
6. You taste like chicken.
5. Be My Ho
4. You're fired!
3. You may search for my weapon of mass destruction.
2. Biohazard.

and, the number one saying you don't want to see on your Valentine's candy heart...

1. Ex Lax.

Thank you, good night everybody, drive home safe!