Friday, March 24, 2006



I have two television shows now that I watch for the pure silliness of watching them. One is Discovery Channel's Cash Cab, in which comedian Ben Bailey drives a cab through Manhattan, quizzing his passengers, awarding hundreds of dollars for correct answers, but kicking them out for three wrong answers.

The other is Deal or No Deal, in which Howie Mandel and 26 models in short skirts help contestants open attache cases for an hour of network television time.

What it's really about is a game of calculating the odds with a chance to win a million dollars -- or an equal chance to go home with a penny. What fascinates me is how greedy the contestants are; I presume they've been instructed by NBC to push their turn to the max, rather than settle for a safe $50,000 or $100,000.

I want to be on both shows, but I can only be cast (right now) for Deal or No Deal.

From NBC's website, here's the... um... deal:

Ever wonder what YOU would do with one million dollars?
Are you a risk taker?
Do you feel lucky?
Now's your big chance to try to find out.

1. Make a 5-minute personal videotape of you and the supporters you wish to have appear with you on TV.
2. Fill out an application (include a recent photo of each person)
3. Send it to our contestant department.

1. Making Your Videotape
Making a videotape audition for the program is very easy. Using a video camera, make us a 5-minute tape that tells us a little about yourself and what you would do with $1,000,000. Be sure to include the people you would like to appear with you on-camera as your "supporters." Be creative, show us your personality - tell us what makes you unique. Please start with your name and hometown. There is no "right" or "wrong" thing to say on your tape, we just want to get to know you.

Make sure we can see and hear you clearly.
-Label the tape with your name address and phone number.
-We can only accept VHS tapes (The ones that fit in your VCR). Transferring your camcorder tape to VHS can be accomplished easily. Use the Red, White, and Yellow cables that come with your camera to connect it to your VCR. Push play on your camera, and Record on your VCR. Please run a test and make sure your transfer worked properly.
-Be Kind, Rewind. Rewinding your tape to the beginning greatly increases our fondness for you.

2. Filling out the Application:
Adobe Reader is required to view the application. Click here to download a free copy if you do not have it installed.
Please take your time and answer the questions honestly. We will only accept completed and signed applications if they are accompanied by your videotape.

Include a recent photo:
Please enclose a recent personal photo of each person with the application. Make sure your photo(s) are clearly labeled with your names and phone numbers on the back. It is best, though not mandatory to send 2 clear photos of each person - one close up and one full body.

3. Sending Your Package
Please label your package and send it to:
1149 N. Gower Suite 271
Los Angeles, CA 90038

To review, here is your "To Do" List:
1. Make one (1) 5 minute videotape
2. Label the tape with your name, address and phone number
3. Complete and sign an application
4. Include a few recent photos of you and your supporters.

Please note: Application materials will not be returned. Limit one application package per person.

So, if anybody's interested in screaming at me to reject the deal offered by the show's "banker," let me know. It's a free trip to Los Angeles... but how we'll do a videotape if we're all across the country, I don't know. I guess we'd have to edit segments together.

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