MARTIAN, MARTIAN, BURNING BRIGHT
Saw a story on Space.com the other day that offered the helpful advice, "How To Put Humans On Mars By 2035."

As amazing as science is, I suspect that, NASA being NASA, we're going to send the WRONG people. And nobody is going to talk to ME to get my opinion.

So, since NASA probably isn't going to drop me an e-mail, may I make some suggestions?

1. Dan Rather. Where would he be if he hadn't been in Dallas in 1963? Unless, of course, he, too, was part of the coup plot that put fellow Texan Lyndon Johnson in the White House. Am I the only human on the planet who found his performance on Late Night with David Letterman to be apalling, embarrassing, and the sole reason why he should have retired at 65 like Walter Cronkite did?

2. Seattle Mariners Broadcaster Dave Niehaus.

3. Madonna.

4. Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson or Christina Aguilera. (Who are all the same person, anyway, aren't they?)

5. Boy bands. All of 'em.

6. Howard Stern.

7. Bud Selig.

8. Kathleen Harris.

9. The US Supreme Court.

10. Trent Lott

11. Tom DeLay