MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE METAL DETECTORS...

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE METAL DETECTORS...

If you are among those who still hear the voiceover from the mid-1960s Batman television show in their ears when you think about comic books -- never mind that you've probably seen the film versions of V for Vendetta, Blade, and The Matrix -- then Hill & Wang, an imprint of Farrar, Straus & Giroux, has a sobering surprise from you.

Soon to be published in 144 serial art pages is The 9/11 Report: A Graphic Adaptation. Of course, it will be edited by Sid Jacobson, who created the Richie Rich comic series, and illustrated by Ernie Colon, who has worked on Spider-Man, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman -- and Richie Rich.

My first reaction to this is that it's good news. Several years ago I'd lost track of a lot of the folks I'd worked with at DC Comics, and somehow I'd heard that Ernie had died. (Of course, there are still those rumors about me.)

The idea of turning a dry report on the events of September 11, 2001 into a graphic novel is fascinating. Making it more accessible has some value... but what does it say about our nation, when the most important event of our lives has to be reduced to a picture book before folks pay attention to it. (Editor's note: I haven't read the report, either, so I'm just as guilty.)

Maybe it's a sign of a culture whose parents will browbeat employers into hiring their young (see my spouse's reference to this particular societal disaster here).

In any event, I don't envy Ernie the task of having to spend hours drawing all that real horror. That's different from Wonder Woman, different from Spider-Man... and way different from Richie Rich.

CARL EVERETT CAN KISS MY GLOW-IN-THE-DARK IRISH BUTT

CARL EVERETT CAN KISS MY GLOW-IN-THE-DARK IRISH BUTT

Not two minutes ago I saw Carl Everett, the new Mariners designated hitter, interviewed prior to the upcoming game between the Mariners and the Red Sox. I am not Everett's biggest fan to begin with; he crowds the plate by illegally stepping over the line for the batter's box and complains when umpires call him out or pitchers throw inside. He riles people, too.

Today is an example.

He was asked about Jackie Robinson (today being the 59th anniversary of Robinson's major league debut; don't make me have to tell you why that's important, or it guts what I'm about to say). Everett said that he never learned about Jackie Robinson until he started playing baseball professionally, and then blamed racism for that. He alluded to Black History Month, restating the old complaint that the shortest month has been reserved to celebrate it, except missing the point and saying that somehow that the point of black history month was to ignore the contribution of African Americans the other eleven months. He then seemed to say that he doesn't even believe in Black History Month because the history of African Americans should be part of all history -- he's right, but the way he stated it made history sound like a conspiracy against African Americans.

More to the point, where was Carl Everett as a kid? Growing up, I knew who Jackie Robinson was. I knew his role in both baseball and society. And I grew up twenty years earlier than Carl Everett did, when society was just coming to grips with desegregation. Did he not read a book as a child? Did he not watch television? Did he at least read the sports pages? Did the adults around him not tell him about Jackie Robinson, or did they not read or engage in popular culture, either?

Sorry, Carl, your complaint lacks a grounding in reality, and you lack substance. You are also hitting .103. You are the weakest link. Good-bye.

I'LL TRY A SCOOP OF THE PEANUT BUTTER OLIVE GOAT CHEESE RIPPLE, PLEASE

I'LL TRY A SCOOP OF THE PEANUT BUTTER OLIVE GOAT CHEESE RIPPLE, PLEASE

Ben & Jerry's makes good ice cream. Two ways, actually: Ben & Jerry's ice cream isn't merely delicious, but its revenues are used to support all sorts of great causes (often the kind that will make Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly quiver with disgust).

But now, if you're a fan, you can create a new flavor for Ben & Jerry. Go to the website and you'll even find a flavor generator, kind of an idea starter for people who've never really tasted flavors other than vanilla and chocolate.

If you win, you get to visit Vermont in October. (Pretty leaves! Cold weather!) But here's one concern I have... for a company with a liberal point of view, its flavor guru team has an awful lot of white guys. All six of 'em! Maybe it's different when the white guys have hippie beards.

Meanwhile, here in woozy West Seattle, our downtown area -- The Junction -- saw its Ben & Jerry's retail operation fail. Surprising, perhaps, but The Junction boasts the Husky Deli, which offers amazing homemade ice cream, and a loyal audience that would just walk across the street to get the local product. And maybe they didn't like Ben & Jerry's politics, either. Our gay bar also closed.

NEVER AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!

NEVER AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!

I forward stuff I get, and I get stuff forwarded to me. Why else would the Internet exist?

So, recently, one forwarder claimed that this won't ever happen again...

On Wednesday of next week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

... but of course it will, in the year 3006. Unless someone's been reading Biblical prophecies, or buys into how the Olmecs, Aztecs, and Mayans said the world would end in 2012.

Not to mention that something similar will happen in 2007 (02:03:04 05/06/07), 2008 (03:04:05 06/07/08), 2009 (04:05:06 07/08/09), 2010 (05:06:07 08/09/10), 2011 (06:07:08 09/10/11), 2012 (07:08:09 10/11/12), 2013 (08:09:10 11/12/13), 2014 (09:10:11 12/13/14), and 2015 (10:11:12 13/14/15). Oops, maybe not 2015. I got carried away.

Of course, in two months, we also have: 06:06:06 on 06/06/06. If you want to be scared about something...