Weird Tales of the Untrue and Mostly Facetious

There Was A Time

2010-11-20T23:27:00.001-08:00

I used to know how to use computers to design all sorts of print communication. But I don't understand the process of publishing web sites, not truly, not really. I think it's time to take a class at SSCC.

Happy New Year

2009-01-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

As good a summary of the year as any: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWiXy55OHyY.

Thanks to Bruce Faber.

What Do You Believe About Thanksgiving...?

2008-11-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

Our friend Lisa Halliday forwarded this Thanksgiving trivia test. I got one wrong because I thought it was a trick question -- the year I was taught was the first Thanksgiving is, at least according to this quiz -- but some of the others were a little tougher.

The older I get, the more grateful I am for things that I'm surprised make me grateful. Of course there are family and friends, and still being able to pay the mortgage (which is a fixed-rate mortgage, thank you), but even in bad times we can be thankful. For those who have experienced a loss, you will find yourself thankful for your memories. For those who have experienced tough luck, you will find yourself thankful for the smarts and the determination to overcome your problems. And for those who have good luck and wealth, you can be thankful that you have the spirit to share those things with those less fortunate.

Happy thanksgiving!

The Responsbility of A Great Power

2008-11-18T23:39:00.000-08:00

I got a forward from my politically conservative cousin about the military with which I agree.

When doing your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to this address.

If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much would get!

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington , D.C. 20307-5001

And please, don't forget to pass it on.

I do need to edit. He always chides me because I go to snopes.com to look up the quotes he forwards that are very conservative politically, but ostensibly from David Letterman, or George Carlin, or Lee Iacocca. I just like to know with whom I'm agreeing (or disagreeing). Otherwise we might as well start sending those forwards as coming from "George W. Bush" in support of opening the border with Mexico or "Rush Limbaugh" favoring the legalization of narcotics.

But, to be serious, just because you think our Commander in Chief made a tactical mistake by invading Iraq doesn't mean that the soldiers and sailors that had to do it should suffer. Yes, they volunteered to join the service, but they had to expect that they'd be fighting in defense of this nation (as they have in Afghanistan), or at least in defense of freedom and human dignity (as they did in the Balkans).

So I did go to snopes.com, and discovered that Walter Reed does not accept these sorts of messages. However, a Red Cross program called "Holiday Mail for Heroes" will.

The rules:

Please follow these guidelines when mailing a card to ensure that your card will quickly reach service members, veterans and their families. Every card received will first be screened for hazardous materials by Pitney Bowes and then reviewed by Red Cross volunteers working in one of 16 sorting stations around the country.

All cards must be postmarked no later than Wednesday, December 10, 2008. Cards sent after this date will be returned to sender.

Participants are encouraged to limit the number of cards they submit to 25 from any one person or 50 from any one class or group. If you are mailing a larger quantity, please bundle the cards and place them in large mailing envelopes. Each card does not need its own envelope or postage.

Please ensure that all cards are signed.

Please use generic salutations such as “Dear Service Member.” Cards addressed to specific individuals can not be delivered through this program.

Please send cards as opposed to long letters which delay a quick review process.
Please do not include email or home addresses on the cards, as the program is not meant to foster pen pal relationships.

Please do not include inserts of any kind, including photos, as these items will be removed during the reviewing process.

All cards received may be used in program publicity efforts, including appearing in broadcast, print or online mediums.

Just send your greetings to:

Holiday Mail for Heroes
PO Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility...

2008-11-18T23:30:00.001-08:00

In today's e-mail, this forward from the spouse:

From a UK periodical:
Surprising secrets about Barack Obama:
He collects Spider-Man comics.
His favorite TV show is The Wire.
He is a Mac head.
He auditioned for a black pinup calendar while at Harvard and was rejected.

There's not a whole lot wrong with using your power for good, as Spidey's Uncle Ben would say. On the other hand, I hope that the Cabinet meetings don't wind up looking like an Avengers gathering...

Forward This Immediately

2008-11-12T22:28:00.000-08:00

An outfit responsible for three-quarters of the world's e-mail spam has been shut down, it was reported today.

Damn. Just when I thought I might need c1al1s.

Am I the only one who assumes that in a Starbucks somewhere near Bora Bora, a group of nutbags is about to fill the vacuum?

Ladies And Gentlemen, Contestant Number 8!

2008-10-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

You know, one of the e-mail forwards I get in various incarnations from my conservative friends and relations is one that shows how all conservative women are pretty and all liberal women are unattractive.

Aside from the irrelevance of beauty to suitability to run for office, I might also point out that some of the folks who are forwarding these slams against Hillary Rodham Clinton and Bella Abzug for their non-Glamour pusses wouldn't exactly themselves set a teenager's heart aflutter.

That said, there's nothing more fun than noticing that film is available of Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin's turn in the 1984 Miss Alaska contest. Now I get why the kids like the You Tube.

More of the World Is Unfair

2008-08-23T23:05:00.001-07:00

Quelle surprise!

Actually, what amazes me about this clip is that "dowdy Christine" did so poorly. But then again, I've always preferred women with brains first.

We'll Miss You, Robbie

2008-08-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

Robbie Greenberger passed away August 14.

He was one of two children, and the only son, of our friends Bob and Debbie Greenberger.

Here are the eulogies from the service, one by Deb, one by her brother, Robbie's Uncle Jim.

In lieu of flowers contributions in Robbie’s memory may be made to The Tommy Fund for Childhood Cancer, Yale-New Haven Children’s Hospital, 20 York Street, New Haven, CT 06511-3202 (www.tommyfund.org). For information or to offer an online condolence please visit www.spearmillerfuneralhome.com.

I cannot imagine the pain. I've lost my parents, as has my spouse, but nobody can prepare for this.

I hope you will donate to the Tommy Fund, and I hope you will consider marrow donation or at least a monetary donation.

Feed the World

2008-08-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

Will Harbaugh Channels Bob Geldof

Does anyone know what a Boomtown Rat is anymore? Probably not.

It's what Bob Geldof used to be before he created Live-Aid and asked Michael Jackson to do the last useful thing the King of Pop ever did.

Will Harbaugh, whom I know because of Interlac, sent this link. Since I had just opened one from him about self-CPR that had proven to be a debunked Internet urban legend, I was skeptical, but snopes.com bore Will out, and gosh darn if taking this uber-vocabulary test doesn't generate funds to feed the hungry.

So have fun. Feel smug as you do the right thing. As for me, though senescent, I am insuperable, so shut your gosport.

Pulling for Robbie

2008-07-13T01:16:00.000-07:00

Our good friends Bob and Debbie Greenberger have two terrific kids. Katie has just graduated from my alma mater, and Robbie was just beginning college when he was diagnosed with leukemia.

It's been a dramatic, up-and-down, scary year for the Greenbergers, and just recently, Robbie was told that the leukemia had returned.

That sent me running to the National Marrow Donor Foundation to learn about becoming a marrow donor. Unfortunately, it looks like they wouldn't take me, but that doesn't mean that I can't urge you to get yourself registered. The odds that your marrow could help Robbie are small, but, of course, you never know... and even if you can't help Robbie, perhaps you can help someone else, and the person you help might tell his friends to check, and that person's marrow could help Robbie.

Meanwhile, join me in continuing to pull for Robbie... and for anyone who is facing this grim circumstance.

Only George Carlin Would Have the Appropriate Words for This

2008-06-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. -- George Carlin, 1937-2008

When Bobby Fischer had yet to completely flip his lid and was taking Boris Spassky to the woodshed in Reykjavik, my friend Tommy D'Agostino and I were playing a 24-game chess championship for Herschell Street in the Bronx. Tommy was two years younger than me, but already savvy beyond his years, because early on he realized that all he had to do to defeat me was to utter the first few words of one of George Carlin's standup routines. "I was fired from the Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas..." he would start, innocently, and before I had finished side one of FM and AM, he would have taken my queen, a rook, and two knights without losing so much as a pawn.

I once described Carlin as my philosopher saint, and I believe that's still as apt a description of his influence on my life as can be assessed. For whatever reason, Carlin's defiance of authority, his love of inappropriate juxtaposition, and his joy at the meaning of and reaction to words clicked with me. It wasn't just because he was saying rude things that Carlin's sense of language made sense to me. It was because he so often zeroed in on exactly how people use language to divide and affront others. He once proposed replacing the word "kill" with the deadliest of the seven deadly words that couldn't be said on television. Those who could not stretch their brains only got offended; they missed wholly that Carlin's point is that it's not words that are the problem, but the emotion behind them. Penn Jellette's Showtime series, Bullshit, interviewed a woman who refused to use any of those seven deadly words, but who had no problem using a different deity's name to take in vain, and didn't understand why "fiddlesticks" wasn't much different than the banned-in-mixed-company-and-by-the-FCC four-letter word beginning with the letter f.

Carlin also zoomed in on hypocrisy. In the 1970s, he made fun of the U.S. strategy of exiting Vietnam "through Laos, Cambodia, and Thailand." He chided the conviction of Muhammad Ali. Ali, he said made money by beating people up, but wouldn't kill them; the government, he then observed, said that if Ali wouldn't kill people, it wouldn't let him beat them up.

In later years, I found myself finding some of his bits less appealing than others. Those bits of his (and any comedian's) concentrating on scatology tended to bore me. But he also refined his wordplay, and those later bits about words were simply amazing.

Many of the reports of his death today mentioned that he was the first host of Saturday Night Live (and also mentioned that he was looped on cocaine). Maybe one of the good things about Carlin's death is that it will finally make NBC realize that SNL has been a television zombie for too many years. (I think Carlin would have gotten that; he also would have said it funnier.)

I am the proud possessor of a set of George Carlin-autographed LPs. It disturbs me that many younger people will file Carlin in that time in history where the spoken word was primarily distributed on vinyl. But we have his books and his CDs and his tapes and his DVDs and his website , and, I'd also imagine, hundreds of thousands of folks like me who carry a little bit of Carlin's brain, his attitude, and his pessimism around every day.

Mostly, It's An Excuse to Show Halle Berry in a Bra

2008-06-14T04:58:00.001-07:00

Since the spouse's latest novel, Introducing Sonika, is about super-heroes, one of her writer pals, Judith Laik, forwarded this link judging super-hero costumes in the movies.

Granted, I'm biased because I like the spouse's novel (screenplay available for option, by the way) and especially the little tattoo she's got under her skintight suit, but it's true that one of the things that movies have often gotten wrong is the super-suit. Part of the problem is that many original super-suits aren't practical. One of our Legion fan friends, Paul Decker, once said of a fan-submitted costume design that the heroine wearing a necklace with a large stone would find herself getting smacked in the face with it a lot. (Actually, Paul said she'd get "knocked up a lot," but then Paul was also wont to break into Ethel Merman versions of Beach Boys tunes at the time.)

I'm a big fan of super-heroes who are the type that would be the hero of an Alfred Hitchcock film -- ordinary person thrust into extraordinary circumstances. This means that, while I grew up in the DC universe, where Superman is basically a god sent by his father sent to live among humans and many of the other characters are destined for their heroism (Hal Jordan's Green Lantern, Wonder Woman; even Batman is a prince of wealth), it's Stan Lee's take on super-heroes that appeals to me: a high school nerd is bitten by a radioactive spider and has to balance super-heroism with passing social studies and earning a few bucks to help support ailing Aunt May.

I then think what I'd do if I suddenly had some sort of amazing ability (other than the stupid human trick powers I have, like turning my eyelids inside out). First of all, would I even turn to fighting crime? Actually, Peter Parker didn't originally, either; his suit was meant for wear in a wrestling ring. I'd probably just travel about in a sweatsuit. Or, if I looked like Sonika , something skintight. (Of course, if I looked like Sonika, I don't think I'd be married to her creator.) Something Lance Armstrong might wear, I guess.

Actually, maybe a baseball uniform. Stretchy, not too garish.

I haven't done the research, but it looks like Will Smith's upcoming super-hero film, Hancock, is about a super-hero with no costume. If that's the case, that just seems most reasonable to me.

But then again, it'll never compare to Halle Berry in a bra.

Lorraine Broertjes Should Have Told Me About This!

2008-06-08T00:31:00.000-07:00

Worst album cover of all time?

After all, my honorary older brother Harry's spouse works at the Sun-Sentinel!

So instead, I get it forwarded to me by college pal and former co-WRGW college radio DJ Brian Lehrhoff (saying that he got it from the bass player from It's A Beautiful Day).

Unfortunately, it's too late to add your own covers to this wonderful, wonderful list.

Can Anyone Confirm These?

2008-06-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Republicans

Dennis Hastert: did not serve.
Tom Delay: did not serve.
House Whiip Roy Blunt: did not serve.
Bill Frist: did not serve.
Rudy Giuliani: did not serve.
George Pataki: did not serve.
Mitch McConnell: did not serve.
Rick Santorum: did not serve.
Trent Lott: did not serve.
Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage.
John Ashcroft: did not serve. Seven deferments to teach business.
Jeb Bush: did not serve.
Karl Rove: did not serve.
Saxby Chambliss: did not serve. "Bad knee." This is the "patriot" who attacked Max Cleland's patriotism.
Paul Wolfowitz: did not serve.
Vin Weber: did not serve.
Richard Perle: did not serve.
Douglas Feith: did not serve.
Eliot Abrams: did not serve.
Richard Shelby: did not serve.
Jon Kyl: did not serve.
Tim Hutchison: did not serve.
Christopher Cox: did not serve.
Newt Gingrich: did not serve.
Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as aviator and flight instructor.
George W. Bush: six-year Nat'l Guard commitment (in four).
Ronald Reagan: due to poor eyesight, served in a non-combat role
Gerald Ford: Navy, WWII
Phil Gramm: did not serve.
John McCain: Silver Star, Bronze Star, Legion of Merit, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross.
Bob Dole: an honorable veteran.
Chuck Hagel: two Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star, Vietnam.
Duke Cunningham: nominated for Medal of Honor, Navy Cross, Silver Stars, Air Medals, Purple Hearts.
Jeff Sessions: Army Reserves, 1973-1986
JC Watts: did not serve.
Lindsey Graham: National Guard lawyer.
G.H.W. Bush: Pilot in WWII. Shot down by the Japanese.
Tom Ridge: Bronze Star for Valor in Vietnam.
Antonin Scalia: did not serve.
Clarence Thomas: did not serve

Conservative Commenators

Sean Hannity: did not serve.
Rush Limbaugh: did not serve (4-F with a 'pilonidal cyst.')
Bill O'Reilly: did not serve.
Michael Savage: did not serve.
George Will: did not serve.
Chris Matthews: did not serve.
Paul Gigot: did not serve.
Bill Bennett: did not serve.
Pat Buchanan: did not serve.
Bill Kristol: did not serve.
Kenneth Starr: did not serve.
Michael Medved: did not serve.

Democrats

Richard Gephardt: Air National Guard, 1965-71.
David Bonior: Staff Sgt., Air Force 1968-72.
Tom Daschle: 1st Lt., Air Force SAC 1969-72.
Al Gore: enlisted Aug. 1969; sent to Vietnam Jan. 1971 as an army journalist in 20th Engineer Brigade.
Bob Kerrey: Lt. j.g. Navy 1966-69; Medal of Honor, Vietnam.
Daniel Inouye: Army 1943-'47; Medal of Honor, WWII.
John Kerry: Lt., Navy 1966-70; Silver Star, Bronze Star with Combat V Purple Hearts.
John Edwards: did not serve.
Charles Rangel: Staff Sgt., Army 1948-52; Bronze Star, Korea.
Max Cleland: Captain, Army 1965-68; Silver Star & Bronze Star, Vietnam.
Ted Kennedy: Army, 1951-1953.
Tom Harkin: Lt., Navy, 1962-67; Naval Reserve, 1968-74.
Jack Reed: Army Ranger, 1971-1979; Captain, Army Reserve 1979-91.
Fritz Hollings: Army officer in WWII, receiving the Bronze Star and seven campaign ribbons.
Leonard Boswell: Lt. Col., Army 1956-76; Vietnam, DFCs, Bronze Stars, and Soldier's Medal.
Pete Peterson: Air Force Captain, POW. Purple Heart, Silver Star and Legion of Merit.
Mike Thompson: Staff sergeant, 173rd Airborne, Purple Heart.
Bill McBride: Candidate for Fla. Governor. Marine in Vietnam; Bronze Star with Combat V.
Gray Davis: Army Captain in Vietnam, Bronze Star.
Pete Stark: Air Force 1955-57
Chuck Robb: Vietnam
Howell Heflin: Silver Star
George McGovern: Silver Star & DFC during WWII.
Bill Clinton: Did not serve. Student deferments. Entered draft but received 311.
Jimmy Carter: Seven years in the Navy.
Walter Mondale: Army 1951-1953
John Glenn: WWII and Korea; six DFCs and Air Medal with 18 Clusters.
Tom Lantos: Served in Hungarian underground in WWII. Saved by Raoul Wallenberg.
Wesley Clark: U.S. Army, 1966-2000, West Point, Vietnam, Purple Heart, Silver Star. Retired 4-star general.
John Dingell: WWII vet
John Conyers: Army 1950-57, Korea

The Solution to the World's Food Problems?

2008-06-01T02:56:00.000-07:00

Saw this post from the New York Times about a fruit called synsepalum dulcificum (or "miracle berry" more simply) that makes sour foods taste sweet, and makes other foods taste wholly differently as well.

I guess the main problem right now is that the fruit costs $2 each, but if it can take unpleasant flavors and make them tolerable, perhaps it's a way to stretch the world's food supply. For instance, I will not, will not, eat liver (or most organ meats), though it's possible that liver that tastes like -- oh, maple syrup -- would be less of a problem for me. One wonders what other foods not enjoyed by westerners, but eaten in other cultures -- insects, bird fetuses, and the like -- might not be made more tolerable by the addition of this fruit (or its artificially reproduced chemical component).

It might also wind up being a good thing for picky children to be given, at least surreptitiously. If peas tasted like Pez, would they no longer be fed to the dog?

Already I can see the drug user's mind wandering. What would this stuff be like with a hallucinogen? I'm sure some sexual experimentation is going on with it, too.

Of course, right now it's all conjecture for me, since I haven't tried it. But I do believe I'd like to find it, and, when I do, there will be a test at the Flynn household.

Wonder if PCC will stock it? (I did find this site offering places to buy, but unlike Alton Brown, I do not just rush out and buy things on the Internet if I don't know the companies involved.)

Not Funny

2008-06-01T02:41:00.000-07:00

A joke forwarded to me by my cousin Joe Lo Pue (subject line, "Sad, But True"):

When I got home from work last night, my wife insisted that I take her out to some place expensive...

So I took her to a gas station!

It arrived the day I first bought $4 gas -- for our 1987 Nissan, which we bought when we could still pay less than 80 cents a gallon.

Picture Without A Caption

2008-05-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

The End of the World Is On Trial in Hawaii

2008-04-07T20:46:00.000-07:00

Asking a Judge to Save the World, and Maybe a Whole Lot More
Source: The New York Times

Two men think a giant particle accelerator that will begin smashing protons together outside Geneva this summer might produce a black hole or something else that will spell the end of the Earth — and maybe the universe.

Apparently, it's slightly possible that the particle accelerator built in Geneva, Switzerland, could create a small black hole, or a strangelet. Small doesn't sound so bad, except a small black hole is enough to swallow the Earth. And a strangelet would reduce the Earth to a lump of matter the size of your fist.

Despite decades of science fiction movies warning us what might happen if we mess with the laws of nature, scientists are apparently determined to ignore all possibilities as they proceed to investigate the next step.

This isn't the first time scientists have crossed their fingers when playing with primordial forces. The scientists of the Manhattan Project weren't 100% certain that their first nuclear weapon wouldn't create an unstoppable chain reaction that would incinerate the planet. Apparently, they were emboldened by their success, and with each decade more and more crazy things are attempted. Ears grown on mice. Glow-in-the-dark pigs. Square watermelons. Plastic from plants.

I really don't want to stop scientific inquiry. Often, it's good. I like TiVo, I remember television in black and white before you could see the Olympics live from half the globe away.

But still. Sheesh. This isn't like shipping an order to the wrong address. If physicists are wrong -- whammo!

Maybe we all know it's coming, and that's why we're running up the credit cards.

Another Amazing Use of Technology

2008-03-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

I get an occasional e-mail from an outfit called Thrillist. This one fairly shouted at me to re-post.

While your car's GPS can direct you to sources of food, shelter, and clothing, it thoughtlessly ignores your other basic necessity: women who will fake liking you for money. Remedy that, with Nudar.

Nudar's a brand-new -- and for the moment, free -- Point of Interest plug-in that turns your GPS into a strip-club-seeking missile capable of guiding you, via soothing voiceover, to 2500+ of the nation's finest $12 beer joints. First register for a free membership, then download the appropriate file for your GPS device (it supports, among others, Garmin, Tom Tom, and Magellan -- the man whose global circumnavigation set the standard for all-nude intrepidity). Once the POI file's uploaded, your GPS'll indicate the type of club (topless, all-nude, bikini, pastie), and whether it offers a full bar, just slings beer, is BYOB, or offers no alcohol opportunities whatsoever -- for patrons who don't want booze to dull their enjoyment of being a full-blown boobaholic.

In the future, Nudar plans to release plug-ins for other boob-heavy locales/events, like nude beaches, Daytona Bike Week, Mardi Gras, all of which double as alternate Points of Interest: spots full of pervy dudes who use Nudar.

Sign up for a 30-day free trial at Nudar.com.

HOW TO WIN AN EBOOK READER

2008-02-28T22:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, so you aren't buying the wonderful books written by Eilis Flynn because you don't have a book reader.

Here's your chance to win one from one of Cerridwen's authors:

Sunday, February 24, 2008
FIRST ANNUAL CERRIDWEN SPRING GIVEAWAY
The Cerridwen Press Spring Contest
READERS!!! BE SURE AND CHECK OUT THIS VERSION OF THE RULES FOR THE FIRST ANNUAL CERRIDWEN SPRING GIVEAWAY. IT CONTAINS THE UPDATED LIST OF THE WEBSITES YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT.
Here are the rules for the First Annual Cerridwen Spring Giveaway:
· The Grand Prize winner must be a United States resident (due to mailing and custom costs, we cannot ship the grand prize out of the country).
· You must be a member of the Cerridwen Chat Yahoo group to participate in this contest. All clues and contest information will be posted on that loop. To subscribe, send a blank email to: cerridwenchat-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
· You cannot share information about the contest with other readers. All participants should act independently.
· Every day, starting on March 1 and ending on March 15, a clue will be posted on the Cerridwen Chat loop. This clue will lead you to a specific web site or blog location. You must find the hidden/special word on that web site or blog. There will be fifteen words to find, one for each day of the contest. The word will be in a special font, something like this so it will stand out and you should be able to see it easily. If you want to be eligible for the grand prize, you have to find these words. Note the word and the location where you found it.
· You also need to find a tree icon and note that location. Beginning on March 1, look for the tree icon on the web site or blog of the participating authors (see the author list at the end of this page). Make a note of the location of the tree icon or blog.
· The contest ends on March 15 at 5 PM. The tree icons and the 'secret words' will be removed from the author locations at that time.
· Assemble the words you've found into a sentence. Send the sentence and the location of the tree icons you found in the following format in the body of an email to GreenBookFriend@yahoo.com.
Sentence: write your sentence here
Location of Secret words:
1st word: http://www.websitename.com/website page.htm
2nd word: http://www.blogorwebname.com/date (if blog)
3rd word:
4th word: and so on ....
Tree Location 1: http://www.websitename.com/websitepage.htm
Tree Location 2: http://www.blogspotname.com
Tree Location 3:
and so on .....
· You will need to find 15 words and 13 trees for a total of 28 entries. Sound like a lot? It is, but the prize is pretty big, too!
· E-mail your response by 5 PM (central standard time) on March 16. No entries will be accepted after that time.
· The grand prize winner will be chosen from those who submit correct responses.
· Winners will be announced on the Cerridwen Chat loop on March 20, the first day of spring, at 5 PM (central time). Winners will also be notified by email.
Prizes
· Grand Prize: A Rocket 1200 Ebook reader with 7 downloads already loaded. A picture of this model is at the end of these rules. Complete instructions will be provided for using the reader and for transferring books to the reader.
THIS IS NOT AN EBOOKWISE ebook reader. You cannot directly download books to the Rocket Ebook reader. In order to use the Rocket Ebook reader, you will need to use GEB Librarian software or the REBlibrarian PC software. Both are available for purchase for a minimal cost ($20-$30).
You will also need a Compact Flash reader/writer device for your PC. These are available at any computer store for approximately $15-$30.
See http://www.chromakinetics.com/REB1200/move.htm for an overview of the process used to transfer content to this reader. We will also provide instructions for device use.
This is a used device. The cover is slightly scratched but the reading screen is clear and unmarred. The device is in good working order. It will be shipped to you with the winning books already loaded and will include instructions for adding new content, a spare rechargeable battery, and a power adapter (to recharge the unit). This device operates for 5-6 hours on a fully charged battery.
· Runner-up: 6 downloaded books, emailed to you
· ..:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" />1st place: 5 downloaded ebooks, emailed to you
· 2nd place: 4 downloaded ebooks, emailed to you
· 3rd place: 3 downloaded ebooks, emailed to you
This contest is sponsored by the authors listed here.
It is not sponsored by Ellora's Cave, Cerridwen Press nor affiliated with that company.
These authors will have a tree icon on their web site or blog for you to find starting on March 1:
Amy Corwin: http://www.amycorwin.com
Charlene Leatherman http://www.charleneleatherman.com
Catherine Berlin http://www.CatherineBerlin.com
Dorothy McFalls http://www.dorothymcfalls.com
J L Wilson http://www.jayellwilson.com
Janet Miller http://www.janetmillerromance.com
Lise Fuller http://lisefuller.com
Liz Jasper http://lizjasper.com
Marianne Stephens http://mariannestephens.net
Ariana Dupre http://melissaa.com
Micqui Miller http://www.micquimiller.com
Vicky Burkholder http://www.vickyburkholder.com
Jude Atkins http://www.judeatkins.com
Jean C. Gordon http://www.JeanCGordon.com
These authors are participating in the Secret Word part of the contest (some authors may be participating in both: tree and word). You will receive a clue by noon on each day to find out where to find the secret word.
Amy Corwin Jenyfer Matthews Liz Jasper
Frances Stockton Mary Ann Chulik Vicky Burkholder
Sam Cheever N.D. Hansen-Hill Eilis Flynn
Terri Thackston Terry Odell Micqui Miller
Karen McCullough Jude Atkins Sharon Horton

Enjoy the hunt!
And let's all look forward to spring!!!

Posted by Charlene Leatherman at 4:40 PM

Super-Hero Babe!

2007-12-25T22:59:00.000-08:00

Super-heroines need a little romance, too!

The newest from Eilis Flynn!

INTRODUCING SONIKA, now out and ready to buy! Women want to be her, men want to be with her!

Also available:

THE SLEEPER AWAKES
Seattle librarian Cat Deveney falls into a coma and awakes in a land where she may be the answer to a prophecy... but is it -- and the warrior with whom she falls in love -- real?

FESTIVAL OF STARS
She embraces her heritage, he denies it... how can they be together? A Japanese fairy tale provides the backdrop for this modern story of love and loss.

HALF A MILLION? NAH...

2006-12-13T23:49:00.000-08:00

HALF A MILLION? NAH...

So I recommend Google Alerts. You don't have to be online to search for stuff that interests you; set it up correctly and Google will email you any time your term pops up on the web.

Naturally, I have it set for my childhood address, especially as it has some small importance for Legion fandom.

Today, in my in box:

Google Web Alert for: "1354 Herschell St"

Bronx home values - compare homes for sale and recently sold homes ...
18, 1354 Herschell St, Bronx, NY 10461, 0.34mi, $540000, Jun 13, 2006, -, -, 1783 sqft, 3558 sqft, 1935, $303. 19, 1541 Overing St, Bronx, NY 10461, 0.23mi ...

Had I known I was growing up in a house that would be worth half a million dollars one day...

... of course, let's not discuss what King County thinks my current home is worth.

YOU CAN TAKE THE BOY OUT OF NEW YORK...

2006-12-02T15:23:00.000-08:00

YOU CAN TAKE THE BOY OUT OF NEW YORK...

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Northeast Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Midland
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

Amazingly, I'd thought I'd lost most of my New York accent. A tip of the cap to Harry Broertjes, who forwarded this my way.

SHANGHALLA AWAITS: DAVE COCKRUM DEAD AT 63

2006-11-26T17:29:00.000-08:00

SHANGHALLA AWAITS: DAVE COCKRUM DEAD AT 63

Just got an email from Paul Kupperberg forwarded to me and Harry by Bob Greenberger to let us know that Dave Cockrum died today.

In my years away from comics fandom, I was not up on the minute-to-minute happenings as I had been in college. Ken Gale had been my chief contact about Dave's health, and I had never quite gotten all the details until I did some e-sleuthing just now, but apparently complications from diabetes had been what had put him in the hospital some time back, and what can be assigned as the cause of his death.

Of course, this is a sad and tragic loss for all of us as Legion fans, as comic fans, and, of course, as human beings. Dave was a fan just like the rest of us... he drew for FANTASTIC FANZINE, for Warren, worked as Murphy Anderson's assistant, all before telling Murray Boltinoff that "goddamn bet your ass" he was ready to be the regular artist for the LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES strip in the back of SUPERBOY. Some of us might like to think that we had something to do with the strip's eventual rebirth, but it took an energy and a talent like Dave's to help others see what we saw. And it can't have just been the LEGION, either... very few people who plunked down ten dollars a pop to see the X-MEN movies knew it, but he'd given vision to the new X-MEN (along with the Legionnaire who never was, NIGHTCRAWLER). At least an agreement had been reached between Dave and Marvel about that, and I hope that it will have come in time to help Dave's widow, Paty.

More to the point, Dave was just a friendly and likeable guy. He shared himself and his thoughts and feelings without the self-importance and self-editing that so many others have. We are all fortunate to have had Dave Cockrum for the time we had him.

Dave Cockrum's autobiography.

Obituaries:

New York Times.

SHOULD THE YANKEES STAY THE COURSE?

2006-11-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

SHOULD THE YANKEES STAY THE COURSE?

You see, I personally wish that Alex Rodriguez never plays in the World Series, but for the real debate on whether A-Rod should be traded by the Yankees, check out what Tom Peyer and Hart Seely said recently in the New York Times.

OVERSEEN IN NEW YORK...

2006-10-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

Was that George Steinbrenner paying for pilot school for Alex Rodriguez?

WONDER IF IT'LL BE KRYPTONITE...?

2006-09-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

WARNER BROS. CONSUMER PRODUCTS: is launching a new fashion jewelry collection inspired by the summer hit Superman Returns. The collections will include necklaces, pendants, bracelets, rings, belts, and key chains for men and women featuring the iconic S-Shield in silver and 18K gold. Warner Bros. Consumer Products is partnering with jewelry-maker Robert Lee Morris. The collection will sell for $55 to $350.

Source: PROMO Xtra: News of the Marketing Industry

August 14, 2006

A Prism Business Media Publication

EVERYONE HATES THE BOSS

2006-05-12T00:18:00.000-07:00

EVERYONE HATES THE BOSS

Seems that even over at Military.com -- yes, I read it now that the military is an important client of mine -- they're not very fond of Rummy.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE METAL DETECTORS...

2006-04-21T00:52:00.000-07:00

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE METAL DETECTORS...

If you are among those who still hear the voiceover from the mid-1960s Batman television show in their ears when you think about comic books -- never mind that you've probably seen the film versions of V for Vendetta, Blade, and The Matrix -- then Hill & Wang, an imprint of Farrar, Straus & Giroux, has a sobering surprise from you.

Soon to be published in 144 serial art pages is The 9/11 Report: A Graphic Adaptation. Of course, it will be edited by Sid Jacobson, who created the Richie Rich comic series, and illustrated by Ernie Colon, who has worked on Spider-Man, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman -- and Richie Rich.

My first reaction to this is that it's good news. Several years ago I'd lost track of a lot of the folks I'd worked with at DC Comics, and somehow I'd heard that Ernie had died. (Of course, there are still those rumors about me.)

The idea of turning a dry report on the events of September 11, 2001 into a graphic novel is fascinating. Making it more accessible has some value... but what does it say about our nation, when the most important event of our lives has to be reduced to a picture book before folks pay attention to it. (Editor's note: I haven't read the report, either, so I'm just as guilty.)

Maybe it's a sign of a culture whose parents will browbeat employers into hiring their young (see my spouse's reference to this particular societal disaster here).

In any event, I don't envy Ernie the task of having to spend hours drawing all that real horror. That's different from Wonder Woman, different from Spider-Man... and way different from Richie Rich.

CARL EVERETT CAN KISS MY GLOW-IN-THE-DARK IRISH BUTT

2006-04-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

CARL EVERETT CAN KISS MY GLOW-IN-THE-DARK IRISH BUTT

Not two minutes ago I saw Carl Everett, the new Mariners designated hitter, interviewed prior to the upcoming game between the Mariners and the Red Sox. I am not Everett's biggest fan to begin with; he crowds the plate by illegally stepping over the line for the batter's box and complains when umpires call him out or pitchers throw inside. He riles people, too.

Today is an example.

He was asked about Jackie Robinson (today being the 59th anniversary of Robinson's major league debut; don't make me have to tell you why that's important, or it guts what I'm about to say). Everett said that he never learned about Jackie Robinson until he started playing baseball professionally, and then blamed racism for that. He alluded to Black History Month, restating the old complaint that the shortest month has been reserved to celebrate it, except missing the point and saying that somehow that the point of black history month was to ignore the contribution of African Americans the other eleven months. He then seemed to say that he doesn't even believe in Black History Month because the history of African Americans should be part of all history -- he's right, but the way he stated it made history sound like a conspiracy against African Americans.

More to the point, where was Carl Everett as a kid? Growing up, I knew who Jackie Robinson was. I knew his role in both baseball and society. And I grew up twenty years earlier than Carl Everett did, when society was just coming to grips with desegregation. Did he not read a book as a child? Did he not watch television? Did he at least read the sports pages? Did the adults around him not tell him about Jackie Robinson, or did they not read or engage in popular culture, either?

Sorry, Carl, your complaint lacks a grounding in reality, and you lack substance. You are also hitting .103. You are the weakest link. Good-bye.

I'LL TRY A SCOOP OF THE PEANUT BUTTER OLIVE GOAT CHEESE RIPPLE, PLEASE

2006-04-11T23:55:00.001-07:00

I'LL TRY A SCOOP OF THE PEANUT BUTTER OLIVE GOAT CHEESE RIPPLE, PLEASE

Ben & Jerry's makes good ice cream. Two ways, actually: Ben & Jerry's ice cream isn't merely delicious, but its revenues are used to support all sorts of great causes (often the kind that will make Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly quiver with disgust).

But now, if you're a fan, you can create a new flavor for Ben & Jerry. Go to the website and you'll even find a flavor generator, kind of an idea starter for people who've never really tasted flavors other than vanilla and chocolate.

If you win, you get to visit Vermont in October. (Pretty leaves! Cold weather!) But here's one concern I have... for a company with a liberal point of view, its flavor guru team has an awful lot of white guys. All six of 'em! Maybe it's different when the white guys have hippie beards.

Meanwhile, here in woozy West Seattle, our downtown area -- The Junction -- saw its Ben & Jerry's retail operation fail. Surprising, perhaps, but The Junction boasts the Husky Deli, which offers amazing homemade ice cream, and a loyal audience that would just walk across the street to get the local product. And maybe they didn't like Ben & Jerry's politics, either. Our gay bar also closed.

NEVER AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!

2006-04-02T01:35:00.000-08:00

NEVER AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!

I forward stuff I get, and I get stuff forwarded to me. Why else would the Internet exist?

So, recently, one forwarder claimed that this won't ever happen again...

On Wednesday of next week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

... but of course it will, in the year 3006. Unless someone's been reading Biblical prophecies, or buys into how the Olmecs, Aztecs, and Mayans said the world would end in 2012.

Not to mention that something similar will happen in 2007 (02:03:04 05/06/07), 2008 (03:04:05 06/07/08), 2009 (04:05:06 07/08/09), 2010 (05:06:07 08/09/10), 2011 (06:07:08 09/10/11), 2012 (07:08:09 10/11/12), 2013 (08:09:10 11/12/13), 2014 (09:10:11 12/13/14), and 2015 (10:11:12 13/14/15). Oops, maybe not 2015. I got carried away.

Of course, in two months, we also have: 06:06:06 on 06/06/06. If you want to be scared about something...

WHAT, AGAIN?

2006-03-30T20:28:00.000-08:00

WHAT, AGAIN?

I'd swear this is the third time this spot has opened in the past year. Are they just canning everyone up there?

Marketing Director posted: 30 Mar 2006

Offered by: DC Comics

Benefits: Health, Dental, 401K

Duration: Full Time

Location: New York, NY

Requirements: DC Comics seeks a Marketing Director for the DC Marketing department. Develop, manage and implement marketing plans for DC Comic's publishing and DC Direct businesses. Work closely with VP Marketing to develop annual consumer and trade marketing plans. Break plan down into prioritized initiatives and further into objectives, programs and tactics. Collaborate with business and Editorial teams (leveraging customer information and research) to proactively identify opportunities and build against plans that are differentiated by imprint/business and target customer profile. Assign work and responsibilities; manage and motivate marketing team; build marketing expertise and program management skills among the group. Work with VP Marketing to create a marketing reporting function that can track, measure and analyze marketing performance. Create feedback loop using results to make future recommendations and help create culture of constant improvement. Work with Direct and Book Trade Sales teams to identify and execute against marketing opportunities in the sales channels. Fulfill Sales' monthly/seasonal request for display, merchandising, promotional materials, etc. At the same time, proactively recommend new marketing initiatives to drive sales (i.e. reactive and proactive). Coordinate with Mainstream and Genre Publicity teams to ensure that DC's marketing and PR efforts sync for greatest effect in the market. Work with VP Marketing to develop overall marketing budget and timing. Create, manage and monitor program spending within timeline and budget restrictions. Spend time with Editorial, Design, Creative Services and other groups across company to help build understanding of, expertise in and responsiveness to book (v. periodical) publishing/trade needs.

Requirements: BA or equivalent experience required. Minimum 5 years experience in marketing capacity at a publishing company. Minimum 1 year management experience. Comics familiarity preferred. Strong communications skills, both oral and written. Candidate must have strong interpersonal skills, maturity and excellent judgment. Able to work effectively with individuals at all levels of an organization. Strong organizational skills and ability to multi-task. A team orientation is imperative, and the ability to work as a member of cross-functional teams is required. Ability to travel (domestically) approximately 5%.

About Our Company: DC Comics is one of the largest and most diverse publishers of comics and comics-related products today. Collectively, with our mature readers line, Vertigo, and cutting-edge action line, WildStorm, DC is the only publisher that offers a complete line of comics for every age group and literary taste. DC is also one of the industry's most prolific publishers, producing more than eighty comics titles every month and close to one thousand titles per year. DC is also one of the oldest comics companies, with a continuous publishing history that spans over sixty years.

E-mail: wbjobs@trm.brassring.com

Special Instructions: If you are interested in this position, please email your resume to wbjobs@trm.brassring.com and be sure to ONLY INCLUDE "51708BR/NPMK" in your subject line.

Job # 2268

WHO SAYS MARKETING ISN'T DANGEROUS?

2006-03-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

WHO SAYS MARKETING ISN'T DANGEROUS?

From Scene and Herd, the blog for Promo Magazine:

You May Already Be a Loser
Filed Under: General Post, October 18, 2005
From the PRO Awards finalists session:

When Coca-Cola seeded pop cans-cum-GPS cell phones during its “Unexpected Summer” campaign last year, the prize fulfillment crew eagerly awaited calls to track and deliver prizes to its winners. The first call came from Minneapolis; the prize crew tracked the winning GPS can to … a crack house.

The rest of its winners were from a more wholesome demographic. Which was good for the p.r. part of the campaign. - Betsy Spethmann

The next winner probably was a pedophile calling from Neverland...

JUST ONE MORE VOTE AND OUR FRIEND GERRI WILL BE PUBLISHED!

2006-03-27T00:07:00.000-08:00

JUST ONE MORE VOTE AND OUR FRIEND GERRI WILL BE PUBLISHED!

Scotia surveyed the small crofter's cottage she and Ian had been ushered to immediately following their handfasting ceremony. A small fire burned in the hearth. The flames added a soft, gentle heat to the air as well as warming the room with a rich, golden hue. Her gaze shifted from the fire to the bright red cord that bound his right hand to her own. She knew what came next.

That's the beginning of Gerri Russell's excerpt from her (thus far) unpublished novel, The Warrior Trainer. As you know from my earlier rantings, Gerri has been in a contest run by Romantic Times and Dorchester Publishing, with the winner guaranteed to have her manuscript published.

In a publishing game of Survivor, Gerri survived four previous rounds, each of which brought the original field of eleven hopefuls down to just two, Gerri, and Ruth Kaufman of Chicago, IL. Now, I'm sure Ruth is a very lovely woman, and, who knows, maybe romance novels in any format aren't your thing. But the spouse and I know Gerri, who is a very lovely woman herself. And Gerri has promised to hire me when she's as big as Nora Roberts, so you're helping me, too.

The rules are simple. You're voting for your favorite between Kaufman's and Russell's sample love scenes. I stopped above before it got hotter than I wanted to repeat, but you can visit here and read both. Then, to vote, all you need to do is to email Romantic Times with the subject "The Warrior Trainer," and you've voted for Gerri. (I suppose you can vote for Ruth Kaufman, but you aren't doing Gerri or me any good that way.)

How good is the scene? One of the judges, Flavia Knightsbridge, said: "Now this is full of personality! I like that you allow Scotia the warrior to not only be herself but also to grow as a character even in this intimate scene. Too often feisty heroines turn into simpering misses in the bedroom. Kudos for avoiding that trap and letting Scotia's true nature triumph."

Voting ends April 2. Should Gerri win, her victory will be announced at the Romantic Times Booklovers' Convention in Daytona Beach, FL on May 19. So let's get Gerri published. If you do vote for her, I'll promise that I'll make sure she autographs every published copy you buy. (Which, who knows, you may receive for a holiday or birthday gift that year, anyway.)

DEAL? OR NO DEAL?

2006-03-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

DEAL? OR NO DEAL?

I have two television shows now that I watch for the pure silliness of watching them. One is Discovery Channel's Cash Cab, in which comedian Ben Bailey drives a cab through Manhattan, quizzing his passengers, awarding hundreds of dollars for correct answers, but kicking them out for three wrong answers.

The other is Deal or No Deal, in which Howie Mandel and 26 models in short skirts help contestants open attache cases for an hour of network television time.

What it's really about is a game of calculating the odds with a chance to win a million dollars -- or an equal chance to go home with a penny. What fascinates me is how greedy the contestants are; I presume they've been instructed by NBC to push their turn to the max, rather than settle for a safe $50,000 or $100,000.

I want to be on both shows, but I can only be cast (right now) for Deal or No Deal.

From NBC's website, here's the... um... deal:

DEAL OR NO DEAL
Ever wonder what YOU would do with one million dollars?
Are you a risk taker?
Do you feel lucky?
Now's your big chance to try to find out.

TO BE CONSIDERED AS A CONTESTANT:
1. Make a 5-minute personal videotape of you and the supporters you wish to have appear with you on TV.
2. Fill out an application (include a recent photo of each person)
3. Send it to our contestant department.

1. Making Your Videotape
Making a videotape audition for the program is very easy. Using a video camera, make us a 5-minute tape that tells us a little about yourself and what you would do with $1,000,000. Be sure to include the people you would like to appear with you on-camera as your "supporters." Be creative, show us your personality - tell us what makes you unique. Please start with your name and hometown. There is no "right" or "wrong" thing to say on your tape, we just want to get to know you.

Make sure we can see and hear you clearly.
-Label the tape with your name address and phone number.
-We can only accept VHS tapes (The ones that fit in your VCR). Transferring your camcorder tape to VHS can be accomplished easily. Use the Red, White, and Yellow cables that come with your camera to connect it to your VCR. Push play on your camera, and Record on your VCR. Please run a test and make sure your transfer worked properly.
-Be Kind, Rewind. Rewinding your tape to the beginning greatly increases our fondness for you.

2. Filling out the Application:
Adobe Reader is required to view the application. Click here to download a free copy if you do not have it installed.
Please take your time and answer the questions honestly. We will only accept completed and signed applications if they are accompanied by your videotape.

Include a recent photo:
Please enclose a recent personal photo of each person with the application. Make sure your photo(s) are clearly labeled with your names and phone numbers on the back. It is best, though not mandatory to send 2 clear photos of each person - one close up and one full body.

3. Sending Your Package
Please label your package and send it to:
DEAL OR NO DEAL CASTING
1149 N. Gower Suite 271
Los Angeles, CA 90038

To review, here is your "To Do" List:
1. Make one (1) 5 minute videotape
2. Label the tape with your name, address and phone number
3. Complete and sign an application
4. Include a few recent photos of you and your supporters.

Please note: Application materials will not be returned. Limit one application package per person.

So, if anybody's interested in screaming at me to reject the deal offered by the show's "banker," let me know. It's a free trip to Los Angeles... but how we'll do a videotape if we're all across the country, I don't know. I guess we'd have to edit segments together.

THE CARTOON NETWORK SUCKS!

2006-03-24T01:05:00.000-08:00

THE CARTOON NETWORK SUCKS!

So, after I got all excited about the upcoming Legion of Super-Heroes installment of Cartoon Network's Justice League Unlimited, I turn on my television last Saturday night at 10:30, and... no more Justice League! TiVo confirms it's gone from the schedule completely!

I guess it was just too much for someone to bear to have Bouncing Boy taking out the Persuader...

Other Legion fans are equally flummoxed. Ron Coyne is searching diligently for news of its eventual appearance (hey, they've been shown in England, I'm told, so they've got to burn them sometime). Don Fortier, still sloshing through Katrina detritus in the New Orleans area, emailed that, "Supposedly they're in hiatus until April 8, with a two-part series-ending finale in the can. Bye bye, JLU?" He also provided this link.

But the real hero of the day is Mike Gold, who, despite recovering from surgery, was kind enough to email me in my hour of need and promise to drop a copy of the episode -- which he had from England, or maybe Abbie Hoffman's ghost got hold of it -- in the mail to me. Man, I hope that episode doesn't suck! Thanks, Mike; I'll have to send one of Northwest Territorial Mint's Ronald Reagan medallions to you. (I won't tell my employer what you may choose to do to it...)

ME AND MARK TWAIN

2006-03-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

ME AND MARK TWAIN

You go along, you live your life, and all of a sudden, bam, you're dead.

Only... I'm not.

But apparently the rumor is out there. Somebody posting on a Legion of Super-Heroes area on the DC Comics Internet message board with the appellation jimjacksonjim commented, in answer to another poster's query as to my whereabouts, "I thought I heard a few years ago that he died."

I'm wrapping my head around this.

I mean, clearly I'm not dead, but it's also clear that I haven't been active in comics for a good 20 years, 25 if you mark my last active fandom (since I left Interlac in 1980 or 1981). But what's interesting there is that my situation is similar to that of a great many active comics fans of my era, moreso of Legion fandom. Going back to the early days of the Legion Fan Club (for those new to the story, the national comics fan club I began when I was 13), I have occasionally wondered where folks like Brad Lawrence Petzke ("Esq."!), Jim Balko, and Shelley Rabin are today. Heck, from the early days of Interlac I have lost touch with Clint Thomas (last encountered in Washington, DC in the 1980s when we were both passing through; he wrote some very funny columns for a West Virginia newspaper that predated the Internet, or I could find them), Len Rosenberg (although I had a working email for him for a time, and I'm pretty sure Maximum Fan Ken Gale knows exactly where to find Len; Ken always knows these things), and Bob Soron. I'm sure all of these folks are living full lives, entertaining themselves, contributing to the economy, and heck, maybe even reproducing. I could keep throwing these names out, too: Scott Gibson, Mark Thomase, Vin Sartain, Rick Foster.

Of course, my diminished comics fandom activity had to do with many things. Comics fans have two terms for what happened: gafiation (which is short for "getting away from it all," but also makes a sideways nod to Carl Gafford, who was the master of it, routinely gafiating every couple of years, but ultimately returning like an alcoholic after a bender) and Markstein's Law, named for Don Markstein, who postulated that the amount of fannish activity in which one participated was inversely proportional to the amount of sex one had. Strangely enough, in my early 20s I got very sidetracked from comics. Pure coincidence, it has to be. I also began to earn a living, got married, moved across country, worked my own business, and basically grew up.

So this thing is a gift. I suppose we could let the rumor grow, maybe even fill the IRS in so they stop expecting tax forms from me. But then the local county would want to put the house into tax foreclosure, so we'll have to nix that.

For now, I think I'll avoid posting to that message board, but I will watch the posts to see if anything more develops. This could be as much fun as watching a few random episodes of 24.

I have to think about this. But I think maybe there need to be some t-shirts. Tasteful ones. "Mike Flynn is not dead." Wait. Even better: Two statements. "Mike Flynn is dead"; "Mike Flynn is NOT dead." Each with its own check box. Wearer gets to check the box of his choice.

Anybody know a good silkscreener?

IF ONLY I'D GONE TO J-SCHOOL...

2006-03-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

IF ONLY I'D GONE TO J-SCHOOL...

I'm no journalist, and maybe I'm missing something, but I've run across something that's hard to explain. Maybe it's nothing. But already it's made my new gig interesting.

As I wrote recently, I just joined a company called Northwest Territorial Mint. It's a bit of a challenge, because one of its clients is the NRA, and while I converted to belief in a broader interpretation of the Second Amendment during the Reagan Administration, when I feared that Ed Meese might send the FBI after me for voting for Mondale, I still don't believe the Second Amendment means that any mook can own and use a bazooka or a machine gun.

What I'm supposed to do is to grow the custom-minted coin side of the business, but I've also been working on generating advertising and web clicks for the bullion business. So as a new employee I've been researching competitors -- the modern way, via Google.

Turns out this business I've entered can be a little checkered. My own employer apparently served time in prison for what he tells me was an accounting mistake. I'm not sure if I believe him, since I can't find any record of it when I Google him.

But here's the interesting thing. One of his bullion competitors is a company called The Tulving Company. Google its owner, Hannes Tulving, and not too far down the list is an account of his consent decree settlement with the FTC for defrauding people out of money for coins at prices he artificially inflated (here). This happened in 1992. There was a monetary judgment in two parts. The first part, $260,000, was apparently paid over a five-year period. The second, $10,000,000 (yes, that's ten million), was to be paid if he ever recovered from bankruptcy, but as long as he was insolvent, he wouldn't need to worry.

Well, heck, everyone makes a mistake, right? He paid his $260,000, he was driven into bankruptcy, end of story. In fact, it's cheerful, because he's again a very serious member of the rare coin and precious metal business who, according to the chat boards, is friendly with financial reporter Ron Insana. (Of course, the amount of truth on chat boards is probably equal to the amount of truth told in the last half-hour of a frat party. I even wrote glowing reviews of my former employer's books at Amazon.com.)

Except here are some things that confuse me. On that same Google search I found an FTC memo from 2000 that indicates the $10,000,000 was never paid, even though the Tulving website gives every indication of a solvent business, talking about his yachts and all. Worse, even the $260,000 that was collected NEVER REACHED THOSE WHO WERE DEFRAUDED... nearly eight years later. In fact, the memo I found indicates that the government apparently routinely sits on this money for so long that the folks who originally prosecuted the case leave or get promoted and the money just sits, never being distributed to those who were cheated. That memo lists ten other cases besides Tulving's where the feds were hoarding money. I wish I could find proof of the money's ultimate distribution, but I can't (again, not a journalist). I fear that if funds from just these 11 cases weren't distributed, then perhaps there's even more money that won't ever be given to those who were defrauded and allegedly avenged by the government. It's like the government version of a class action suit, except instead of the lawyers getting more money than any plaintiff, it's the government itself.

Maybe the followup memo just isn't on the web. Maybe there's someone I can call or email at the FTC who could explain this to me. But it seems like a double scam to me. These 11 (and who knows how many more) criminal operations defrauded individuals, but the government is keeping money out of the hands of crime victims out of neglect, incompetence, or stupidity. I was so chapped that I actually dropped an email note to Michael Moore. I guess I could write my Congressman. Who else would I call?

It's a mystery. Meanwhile, read Consumer Reports and pay attention to your local consumer reporter. Unless, of course, your local consumer reporter is incompetent or stupid.

NOT AT LIBERTY ANY MORE

2006-02-26T18:46:00.000-08:00

NOT AT LIBERTY ANY MORE

It's near Malcolm in the Middle time here in Seattle, but I wanted to drop a quick note that, after a properly suitably selective search, I am now employed. I am the marketing manager for Northwest Territorial Mint, which sells bullion, manufactures custom promtional coins (many for the military, which has a tradition called "challenge coins"), and is building its online sales.

More when I catch my breath.

I SUSPECT I'M NOW ON SOME ENEMIES LIST SOMEWHERE...

2006-02-18T13:36:00.000-08:00

I SUSPECT I'M NOW ON SOME ENEMIES LIST SOMEWHERE...

In the Big Surprise Department, I have not been a fan of the current Administration (although, in fairness, of the ones in my lifetime, I believe I've only favored one-quarter of Clinton's and maybe two-thirds of Carter's). I find the vice-president's shooting incident to be troubling, primarily because of the effort to cover up details for more than a day.

But over at Pop Culture Gadabout, Bill Sherman posted a link to a page that apparently was posted on CNN.com recently, with the Orwellian (or perhaps it's Carrollesque?) headline, "Shooting Victim Apologize to Vice-President."

Provocative, eh? It's from a liberal blog, so you want to check the source. By bizarre coincidence, my AOL connection flamed out the second I started to type the headline into the AOL search box. When I got back online, I could find no trace on the web for this headline, so either the author is being clever and showing a fake headline from CNN, or Homeland Security has been cleaning up traces of the original.

So maybe it's me. Maybe I'm stupid. I don't know. Go, search, let me know what you find.

I KNOW I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN

2006-02-15T11:03:00.000-08:00

I KNOW I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN

Being a little bit pudgy, having all my hair, and having it not really turning gray yet, people always think I look young. Heck, maybe it helps me in job hunting. (We'll find out; I'm off for another interview in three hours.)

But, here's something about aging nobody ever prepares you for: Gray nose hair.

I'm just saying.

MAYBE CHENEY CAN LEND HIM A DEFIBRILLATOR...

2006-02-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

MAYBE CHENEY CAN LEND HIM A DEFIBRILLATOR...

Isn't it manslaughter if what you do accidentally causes death?

I guess our big veep will find out, now that Harry Whittington has suffered a heart attack due to Cheney's birdshot migrating close to Whittington's heart.

Of course, you know the NRA's position on this: "When guns are outlawed, only Dick Cheney will have guns."

NOW I KNOW HOW THE FOLKS AT THE REALLY BIG AD AGENCIES FEEL...

2006-02-14T09:57:00.000-08:00

NOW I KNOW HOW THE FOLKS AT THE REALLY BIG AD AGENCIES FEEL...

When I was the promotion manager at DC Comics in the 1980s, I was responsible for creating a tagline each year for the company. The goal was to let comics fans know that DC was no longer going to be the doormat for Marvel. DC was ramping up new formats, introducing new characters, and persuading established fan favorites to create comics at DC instead of at Marvel.

The first line I created was, "The new DC... we're on the move."

For 1983, the goal was to show that we had gathered momentum, and were actually winning the battle in some ways. So the new line I wrote -- which appeared on everything we did -- was, "The new DC... there's no stopping us now." We even used McFadden & Whitehead's "Ain't No Stopping Us Now" as theme music at our big trade show for our distributors that year.

All of which leads me to Dick Cheney. Some long-memoried comic fan remembered the line, dug out some old Jonah Hex covers from the era, and used it to tie together the Dick Cheney shooting as told through comic book covers (a cleverness one would normally attribute to Tom Peyer's Superfrankenstein, but Tom seems cool with it).

Another 1.5 seconds of fame for me. Gosh, and I deserve it!

TOP TEN SAYINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ON YOUR VALENTINE'S CANDY HEARTS

2006-02-13T11:44:00.000-08:00

TOP TEN SAYINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ON YOUR VALENTINE'S CANDY HEARTS

Every week I submit what I think are powerfully funny entries to the Late Night With David Letterman Top Ten contest page.

Every week I get aced out by jokes judged funnier. Half the time they're right, of course, but sometimes they're not.

So, what the heck, until Letterman sues my ass, here's my entries for this week -- with the added pressure of posting before Valentine's Day.

Top Ten Sayings You Don't Want To See On Your Valentine's Candy Hearts

10. Viagra.
9. 24.7% Recycled Content.
8. Lick my back hair.
7. R U Brokeback 2?
6. You taste like chicken.
5. Be My Ho
4. You're fired!
3. You may search for my weapon of mass destruction.
2. Biohazard.

and, the number one saying you don't want to see on your Valentine's candy heart...

1. Ex Lax.

Thank you, good night everybody, drive home safe!

STORY THAT WRITES ITS OWN JOKE: VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY SHOOTS FRIEND ACCIDENTALLY

2006-02-12T17:10:00.000-08:00

STORY THAT WRITES ITS OWN JOKE: VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY SHOOTS FRIEND ACCIDENTALLY

Really. I'm not making this up.

I guess the good news is that he's not on the Olympic biathlon squad.

I'M HAVING A POP CULTURE MOMENT -- AND SO SHOULD YOU!

2006-02-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

I'M HAVING A POP CULTURE MOMENT -- AND SO SHOULD YOU!

I sometimes now work on a Wintel machine. Our friend Bruce Faber felt I should have one to go with the half-dozen Macintoshes of varying vintage we have in our house, and since I do dialup still, and it has a 56K modem, it's what I use most for getting online.

So I'm getting used to what Windows offers folks with these basic boxes. One thing I enjoy is the ability to rip my CDs into my computer (no, I don't have an iPod yet, either... but my birthday's in August). I play everything on shuffle, so I never know what I'll get.

For some reason today the stretch of music was particularly great, even if it's stuff you may not have spent a lot of time with. In sequence I found five songs I had to play louder than I normally would... "The Guitar," from the Apollo 18 collection by They Might Be Giants... "Cry Love" from John Hiatt's greatest hits collection... "Common People," from William Shatner's brilliant Has Been... "Second Guessing" from Jonny Lang's equally brilliant Wander This World... "See Emily Play" from Pink Floyd's Relics... and "Untamed Girls" from Chain Gang of Love by the Raveonettes. And the sun's even out today! Man, if I only had a job (although I did apply to Holland America Line for a copywriter slot today, and boy, am I perfect)!

And then, tonight... tonight on TV is even cooler. Okay, there's the string of shows on the SciFi Channel that we now watch religiously, most cool of which is Battlestar Galactica. But tonight add Fox's two-hour, four-episode sendoff of Arrested Development, the best comedy show since Seinfeld. And now I see that Turner Classic Movies is showing three great Kubrick films in a row... 2001: A Space Odyssey, Lolita, and, one of my Top 10 of all time films, Dr. Strangelove (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb). If we didn't have four televisions, three working VCRs, and two TiVos... I don't know what I'd do. All I know is that this is a good night to sit down with a pizza and just be glad for people who are smarter and more clever than me.

One more thing, if you want to truly live the Mike Flynn experience this weekend: Tomorrow at 2 pm EST, 11 am PST: George Washington University's men's basketball on ESPN2. GW is ranked eighth right now, which is higher than it's been since the 1950s. The team is led by Pops Mensah-Bonsu, and it's a fast, well-coached, fun team to watch, even if you're not a huge basketball fan (which, for instance, I'm not). If they go far into the NCAA tournament, maybe people will finally be able to understand I didn't go to Georgetown!

Anyway, it's a fun weekend... and you don't even have to watch the winter Olympics!

OLD FRIENDS

2006-02-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

OLD FRIENDS

For some reason I wound up Googling my late friend Rich Morrissey today, so I posted three obits about him (one by Mark Evanier, one by Bob Rozakis, one by Tony Isabella) to the left. I also found, with further Googling, reference to an article about the language of Krypton. The piece was written by Al Turniansky (also a former Interlacker), but based on the work of Morrissey and the late E. Nelson Bridwell (the only comics fan with more stuff in his head than Rich).

I'll have to see if I can find the Miami Herald obit written by Harry Broertjes, and maybe I'll post my own. I'm also trying to figure out the best way to reference Ken Gale's links to Rich's work, but you can always just go to Ken's 'Nuff Said.

THE UNSTOPPABLE WARRIOR TRAINER!

2006-02-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

THE UNSTOPPABLE WARRIOR TRAINER!

Just heard from our friend Gerri Russell that The Warrior Trainer has won the latest elimination round in the Romantic Times/Dorchester Press American Title writing contest she'd entered. I wanted to thank you on her behalf for taking the time to vote. I've told her to get the thing published, sell as well as Nora Roberts, and then hire me, so let's keep voting for her!

The next round will ask for votes on the Best Dialogue Scene and runs February 20 through March 5.

TENNIS, ANYONE?

2006-02-06T01:25:00.000-08:00

TENNIS, ANYONE?

Down there on the left, thanks to my cousin Ken Kiernan, is the newest silly website. Or just click here.

OH, RATZ, I MISSED IT!

2006-02-02T13:20:00.000-08:00

OH, RATZ, I MISSED IT!

Maybe next year. When's national Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day again?

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

2006-02-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

This wonderful spot for the American Civil Liberties Union was recently forwarded to me by an old college acquaintance, Rob Weinberg (you can see his business link to the left).

I hadn't seen the spot yet, but it chilled me to the marrow. I honestly believe I stopped producing red blood cells for five minutes.

As with all advances of civilization, technology can be used for good or for evil. Then there's the law of unintended consequences. It's convenient to order online at Amazon.com (heck, I even own stock in the company), and Amazon's way of linking stuff you like to other stuff you like is, while sometimes a bit much, often helpful or instructive. But the ability to merge massive databases can lead to horror stories, and the potential of not just government, but multinational corporations, to leverage your personal data for great gain and your detriment, is huge. Not to mention the carelessness with which our banks, health maintenance organizations, governments, and others are handling these bits of information that we consider private.

Remember this as you watch the new Roberts Supreme Court. Remember that, constitutionally, your right to privacy exists only because of constitutional case law, and we now have a majority on the Court that, as strict constructionists, believe that you have no right to privacy because it's not spelled out in the Constitution.

Even though I've made my living as a marketer -- and mailed and emailed sales messages to millions of recipients -- it's clear that legislation, and probably a Constitutional amendment, is required to tip the scales back to the side of average schmucks like you and me. For instance, when I wanted to reach people to get them to try the magazine for which I formerly worked, I would rent another magazine's list of subscribers and mail them our information. Now, those folks could actively opt out, but I propose there needs to be some sort of version of copyright on your personal information. Every time your personal information is transferred, you need to receive a payment of some sort. The legislation would have to forbid governments and corporations from asking individuals to sign waivers, or else they'd quickly get us to sign one in order to continue to bank or earn a living.

When you think about what multinational corporations can do because of their size and their greed -- banks, insurance companies, credit reporting agencies, appliance manufacturers, brokerages, etc. -- it's clear that we need to press our elected representatives now to seriously alter the landscape. As it is, most of them are already on the payroll (via campaign contributions) of these firms, so it won't be easy. We've got to be ready to vote out anybody who won't take action on this. And maybe, just maybe, we need to step up ourselves.

ATTENTION, CHOCOLATE LOVERS!

2006-02-01T01:36:00.000-08:00

ATTENTION, CHOCOLATE LOVERS!

Since I'm doing solids for friends of ours, I realize I have been remiss and have not added Phantasia Chocolates to my list to the left. I am correcting that oversight now.

If you're the type of person whose body chemistry alters and whose mind melts and whose tastebuds twitter at the merest whiff... the slightest suggestion... of chocolate, you need to check out Phantasia Chocolates. These are the handmade creations of our friend Jayanthi Gopalakrishnan, who not only performs yeoman duty by hammering together each monthly issue of Technical Analysis of Stocks & Commodities, the Traders' Magazine (managing editor, Elizabeth M.S. Flynn, by the way), but then retreats to her rented kitchen and crafts stunningly superb and exotic chocolate truffles. They're available right now only at four retail locations, but the chocolate lover in you will want to find them if you live in the Seattle metro area, or merely intend to be here one day.

Look for them at:

Matthews Thriftway, 4989 Lakemont Boulevard SE, Bellevue, WA 98012
Caffe Coccinella, 10226 NE 10th Street, Bellevue, WA 98004
Great Harvest Bread Co. (West Seattle), 4709 California Avenue SW, Seattle, WA 98116
Seattle Wine Co., 1960 130th Avenue, Suite 1, Bellevue, WA 98005

IAN AND SCOTIA KICK ASS!

2006-02-01T00:58:00.000-08:00

IAN AND SCOTIA KICK ASS!

My loyal reader(s) may recall a while back I asked you to vote for our friend, Gerri Russell, who has been entered into a contest held by Romantic Times and Dorchester Publishing. If she wins the contest, she will get her book published after many years, with a publicity boost from RT Book Club.

The contest works like a television reality show... after each round, one or more contestants are voted off. The voters are the readers of the Romantic Times and its website, but I've been helping out by urging all our friends to vote, too. This round's criterion is the best story summary. If you want to vote, it's not tough; all you need to do is to send an email to webmaster@romantictimes.com with "THE WARRIOR TRAINER" in the subject line. (One vote per person please). Voting ends February 5, 2006. Results will be posted online on February 20, 2006. The winner will be announced during the Awards Luncheon on May 19, 2006, at the RT Booklovers Convention in Daytona Beach, FL. Your email address will be kept confidential.

Now, if you'd like to do that armed with knowledge, here's the facts (which you can also find here):

THE WARRIOR TRAINER

Story Summary:

Ian MacKinnon has always tried to prove his worth to his clan and yearns for the chance to become their champion. He seizes the opportunity to show his merit when a renegade group of Englishmen marches through Scotland demolishing clans in its wake as they search for the Stone of Destiny. Ian vows to defend his clan from this new terror, but in order to succeed he must learn to fight in the ways of the ancients from the legendary Warrior Trainer. That he needs help in order to win, he accepts. That he must accept that help from a female who is physically more adept than he, he finds bruising to his ego.

Scotia of Glencarron, the Warrior Trainer, a devoted swordswoman descended from a line of women warriors, must guard herself both day and night against those who would challenge her title and discover the Stone of Destiny, the secret artifact her family has kept safe for generations. Trained only to be a warrior, Scotia is unprepared for the attack Ian makes upon her mentally and emotionally. How's a woman supposed to defend against something as nebulous as desire?

As Scotia and Ian train, both sparks and passions flare, but to act upon their feelings could cost Ian his place in his clan and jeopardize Scotia's role as the Warrior Trainer. Yet when the people and the land they love are threatened, they join together, risking everything for survival, desire... and love.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Now we're into more creative territory. If we must keep with the movie theme, I'd say this has a little Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon vibe going on.

Leslie Kazanjian -- This novel promises a major role reversal: a woman warrior teaching a fiery Scotsman the fighting techniques of the ancients, pitting her physical prowess against his seductive skills amid a battle for the homeland they both love. I'm curious to see the outcome of this unusual love story -- this pair promises more sparks than the swords that will surely clash.

If you want to look at all the contestants, you can go here.

In addition to voting, if you're feeling really beneficent, let other folks know about Gerri and the contest. (Send them this whole page.) The more votes, the merrier!

Gerri has won several awards from the Romance Writers of America, but has yet to take that final step. If you can help her... great! And there's even a bonus. If you let Gerri know you voted for her, she'll toss your name in a hat and draw a winner. If yours is the name drawn, she promises Scottish treats (which I hope to heaven won't be haggis).

Thanks for your help! Next, maybe my spouse, or even me!

LOVE JITTERS

2006-01-31T08:39:00.000-08:00

LOVE JITTERS

I was asked in a recent job interview to name a great brand. For you non-marketing types, a "brand" isn't just the name of the yogurt you buy, but all of the feelings and experiences that go with it. It's a gestalt thing.

One of the brands I named was -- and sitting in Seattle, it's a double-edged sword to name a home brand -- is Starbucks. With Starbucks, you know what you're getting. You have a level of expectation about the quality of the coffee you order, but you also have an expectation of the ambiance of the venue itself. And the Starbucks experience includes more than coffee, or even snacks; there's music, there's games and gifts, and there's the 15-minute vacation that each of the three Starbucks per block gives you.

Today, in receiving my latest polite thanks-but-no-thanks email from Starbucks about a job opening to which I'd applied, I stumbled across the latest marketing brilliance from what's probably the pre-eminent brand of the early third millennium: Espresso dating. Not only do people go to Starbucks to hang out, meet friends, do a little writing or reading, or meet for business, but now you can sign up to be part of its dating service. Blind dates over espresso macchiato... is that brilliant or what? It builds the sense of Starbucks as a community center, it encourages extra visits... and it sells more coffee at the impressive Starbucks markup.

So lift your venti mocha to the marketing brilliance at Starbucks. And, if you're single... there's nothing better than getting strung out on caffeine while meeting that person who could be The One. At least you'll have coffee in common.

I REALLY SHOULD POST SOMETHING ORIGINAL HERE...

2006-01-25T13:57:00.000-08:00

I REALLY SHOULD POST SOMETHING ORIGINAL HERE...

Since I'm not posting original stuff, at least I keep adding to the long line of links at the left (take that, all you who hate alliteration!). Today's comes from my visit to the ever-cool Superfrankenstein, where he linked to this site, which takes Elton John's once-tolerable Candle in the Wind and rewrites it for, not just Lady Diana Spencer (damn you paparazzi and/or Dodi Fayed and/or Prince Charles), but for everyone for whom Elton John couldn't be bothered to write new versions. Today's post is for Chris Penn, who, as Kev (no last name published) notes, didn't even get top billing in his own obituary.

MORE ON THE LEFT!

2006-01-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

MORE ON THE LEFT!

Today's addition is a little bit of flight emergency, via my cousin Ken Kiernan, who though no longer piloting himself through the skies, still handles international operations for FedEx.

MORE ON THE LEFT

2006-01-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

MORE ON THE LEFT

You know you should Google yourself before job-hunting, right? So I was doing a little bit of due diligence, and discovered that on somebody's Legion history website, you can see my fan-famous letter in glorious web-ness!

*sigh*

WHO'S THE BIGGEST ONE?

2006-01-22T15:09:00.000-08:00

WHO'S THE BIGGEST ONE?

A few weeks ago I mentioned that Superfrankenstein's Tom Peyer was championing his... um... "Anal Pore of the Year" contest. (Except he uses a ruder phrase than "anal pore," but then softens it his own way by referring to the whole thing as A.H.O.Y.)

Anyway, if you'd like to see how the voting's been going, he's been counting down. Lots of big names remain, though among those who have NOT made the Top 10 are Condoleezza Rice, Judith Miller, Bob Novak, and Ray Nagin. Who could possibly be worse? Keep watching!

AND FOR OUR NEXT OMG MOMENT...

2006-01-17T15:07:00.000-08:00

AND FOR OUR NEXT OMG MOMENT...

Sometimes one is tempted to make the meaningless statement, "The Internet is an amazing place." Except that the Internet isn't a place at all, and the only difference between the Internet and the world at large is that it doesn't include most of the poor, stupid people.

Which is why when you start to get distracted and find amazing stuff that people have actually gone out of their way to put on the Internet... especially well-designed stuff that people earn money for... then you're just sitting there and wondering if Pat Robertson isn't right.

Today I got an email from mediabistro.com with some links to interesting news stories. One was about Jeremie Ruby-Strauss, an editor at Kensington Books who is publishing books aimed at the Sub 30 Chromosome Y category (apologies if the link doesn't work; I'm registered there, and it's paid). So from there I went and visited www.tuckermax.com, since Tucker Max was one of the writers whose work Ruby-Strauss has acquired. Let me tell you, if Hemingway in Paris was typical of his generation of creators, and if Kerouac and his beatsters were typical of theirs, then, if Tucker Max is typical of his, then let al Qaeda come and do away with all of the US. Not everything can be about drinking too much and having strange sex. (Right?)

But, then, I read National Lampoon when I was in high school and college, and I still remember the cover of the woman catcher with her breasts on her back to match her reversed baseball cap, and I thought that was funny, so this may be exactly what 21-year-olds are like no matter what.

But then there was the ad on the right side of the page of the Tucker Max website. I had already heard of (and, prurient curiosity aroused, visited) hotornot.com, where ordinary folks with low self-esteem post their photo for validation. But on Tucker Max's site... where you're already reading about throwing up pantsless in sushi bars... you'll find likemynudephoto.com. And, if that isn't bad enough, enter "rate me" into any search engine, and you'll find numerous websites all devoted to rating people, with their permission or not, in various states of undress and occasionally more.

Amazing.

OMG.

PERFECT BALLOT: ROBERTSON/NAGIN

2006-01-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

PERFECT BALLOT: ROBERTSON/NAGIN

Wow, just when you thought things couldn't get whackier, here comes New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin saying that God smote New Orleans. Nagin joins Republican preacher Pat Robertson in the nut job club; Robertson earlier had said that gay pride parades would bring hurricanes to Florida and that Hurricane Katrina had targeted New Orleans because Ellen DeGeneres was the host of the Emmy Awards show. Robertson has also blamed natural disasters as God's revenge for abortion.

So we're back to the Old Testament Yahweh. God is tired of Time cover stories asking if He is dead, or Kurt Vonnegut's interesting take on God as semi-retired (Vonnegut invents the "Church of God the Utterly Indifferent" in Sirens of Titan), and has taken matters back into His own hands.

I'm not convinced. Why would an omnipotent Creator choose to kill His own handiwork willy nilly? Are we being pruned, like a gardener would prune an arbor vitae? Take a little off Pakistan, a little off New Orleans, a little off Banda Aceh? Is God an abusive parent, like the drunk father who whales on his kids every Friday night after about eight good pops at the local bar? Is God the kind of parent who holds His son's hands in the flames of the stove because the boy was caught smoking? What then of all those tornadoes that flatten good Christian towns in the Bible Belt? If God isn't responsible for them, is someone else? Is it Satan? Ellen DeGeneres?

Whatever God is -- and there's no way the human mind can fathom an Almighty, no matter what the various religious texts on the planet might say -- it strikes me that He would take to smiting cities only if He were as imperfect as his creation. And while it is believed we are made in God's image, I really hate to think that our flaws are also God-like. I'd like to think that if God found my wallet, He'd return it without taking out the cash first.

So here's the deal. I'm going to go back to doing the best job I can not to kill, maim, or hurt anybody; to help folks who need it when I can; and to do what I can to make the world a better place. I wish Ray Nagin and Pat Robertson would make that their mission, too.

OOPS, I'M AT IT AGAIN!

2006-01-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

OOPS, I'M AT IT AGAIN!

Okay, fine, here are the other links I've added today:

The William Shatner DVD Club, thanks to Matt Agee's 1.21 Gigawatts.

The essential McSweeney's analysis of the Batman theme, thanks to Tom Peyer's Superfrankenstein.

DO YOU EVER JUST LOOK AT THE SIDE, THERE?

2006-01-12T11:09:00.000-08:00

DO YOU EVER JUST LOOK AT THE SIDE, THERE?

One of the things I like to do with this blog is keep track of stuff. For instance, I've got links at the left to blogs or web pages of friends and business acquaintances. I've got links to dopey computer games. Silly websites. Useful websites. Interesting stuff and arcana I've encountered while skittering across the digital ocean.

I realized today that I should make a note when I add or change something, in case you aren't looking at something over there (to the left; see?) whenever you pop in to see me.

So, here's what I just did: I was following a blog trail and encountered a blog called Gaping Void. The writer has crafted some rules for being creative. If you think that applies to you, you'll enjoy it. He also doodles some interesting stuff on the back of business cards, which you also might like.

How To Be Creative.

FOUR!

2006-01-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

FOUR!

Over at his well-written Pop Culture Gadabout, Bill Sherman recently took time out to perpetuate a series of questions based on getting four answers. It's the new year, and that sort of can make this an exercise in self-examination, too. So, why not... and go give it a shot yourself (and feel free to comment here when you do):

Four jobs you've had in your life: Hanger-sorter; purchasing agent's assistant; bowling alley worker; copywriter.

Four movies you could watch over and over: The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; Casablanca; Dr. Strangelove; Apollo 13.

Four places you've lived: New York City (Manhattan, The Bronx, and Brooklyn); Baldwin, Long Island (NY); Washington, DC; Seattle, WA.

Four TV shows you love to watch: On air now: Cash Cab (Discovery); Arrested Development (Fox); My Name Is Earl (NBC); Mythbusters (Discovery). All-time: The Simpsons (Fox); M*A*S*H (CBS); Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In (NBC); Misfits of Science (NBC).

Four places you’ve been on vacation: Florida (all over); Hawaii (love the Big Island!); Japan; San Francisco.

Four websites you visit daily: Superfrankenstein; Notes From A Final Frontiersman; The Blue Chair; eilisflynn's Journal.

Four of your favorite foods: Starbucks Mud Pie Ice Cream; real pizza from a real pizzeria in New York; real pastrami from a real deli in New York; a good Cobb salad.

Four places you'd rather be: The Big Island. New York. Washington. Here.

Four albums you can't live without: Abbey Road (The Beatles); Who's Next (The Who); Look Sharp! (Joe Jackson); Excitable Boy (Warren Zevon).

And, I'm going to add one...

Four people you wish were president instead of the current one: Bill Bradley; Mario Cuomo; John McCain; Barack Obama.

YOUR VOTE COUNTS, BUT NOBODY OFFICIAL WILL PAY ANY ATTENTION

2006-01-04T11:50:00.000-08:00

YOUR VOTE COUNTS, BUT NOBODY OFFICIAL WILL PAY ANY ATTENTION

Our friend Tom Peyer over at Superfrankenstein has been hectoring me (and everybody else on the web) to vote in the "Anal Spinchter" of the Year contest (go here to vote). It's something a friend of his has been running since 1974.

I myself found the choices overwhelming, and had to squeeze my value system really hard to come down to my final choices.

They are:

Osama bin Laden.
Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi.
Kim Jong Il.
Dick Cheney.
Jerry Falwell.
Bill O’Reilly.
Ann Coulter.
Ahmed Chalabi.
Robert Blake.
Michael Jackson.

The last two names I removed from my list were Tom Cruise (merely misguided, I'm afraid) and Representative Jean Schmidt, whose rookie effort is noteworthy, but not comparable to the long-term damage done by the ten heavyweights above.

If you want to vote -- whether to enjoy the excercise (sudoku for the news nut!), to reinforce my vote, or to cancel it out (I'm sure somebody will vote for Michael Moore) -- the link is above. Check it out.

HOW'D THE PLAYBOY CLUBS MISS OUT ON THIS?

2006-01-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

HOW'D THE PLAYBOY CLUBS MISS OUT ON THIS?

Ran across this at Meagan's Online Musings, a blog three degrees of separation from this'n. Gives one home decorating ideas, too, doesn't it? (Don't tell my spouse.)

ALLAH BLESS AMERICA

2005-12-28T00:40:00.000-08:00

ALLAH BLESS AMERICA

News is that Osama Bin Laden's niece will soon be seductively garbed in lingerie and posing in the pages of GQ magazine.

Either it's one more victory for America -- an ironic one that will perplex all the folks in the GOP's religious right, the folks who are misguidedly asking for FCC control over cable -- or I'd be very worried about working in the GQ building.

FROM THOSE COMMUNISTS AT BARRON'S...

2005-12-27T12:30:00.000-08:00

FROM THOSE COMMUNISTS AT BARRON'S...

Who'd have thunk that I'd today be reading a call for the impeachment of George W. Bush at Barron's Online? Not I.

You'd think people wouldn't be all that upset over a little wiretapping. Nobody seemed very unhappy about it during the 1960s.

Ironically, I was forced to listen to Ann Coulter this morning on the Today show (before I changed the channel). Coulter was, of course, defending the current Administration, offering up how Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus during the Civil War. The thing is, Ann -- had we gone and done that, there would be less cause for complaint. The continuing failure of the Bush White House PR machine is that it's trying to have the nation be both "at war" and "normal." The last time a president tried doing something like this was Lyndon Johnson, and it didn't really work out well for him.

What's next? Michael Moore and Al Franken on the GOP ticket in 2008?

WHO DOESN'T LIKE SCOTTISH BASTARDS?

2005-12-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

WHO DOESN'T LIKE SCOTTISH BASTARDS?

Here's your chance to help a friend get published. Gerri Russell, who is in the Romance Writers of America Seattle chapter (where my spouse is also a member -- and former president), is a finalist in Dorchester Publishing's American Title competition. It's like American Idol for unpublished writers -- every few weeks there's a vote and some of the finalists are sent packing. Each vote is based on a different aspect of the book. Gerri has already survived the "Best Opening Line" competition, but this round the battle is "Best Hero and Heroine."

At the end of the competition, the winner will receive a publishing contract with Dorchester and a publicity boost from RT BOOKclub.

Gerri is in the final nine, but three more get eliminated by New Year's Day.

To vote, just e-mailing webmaster@romantictimes.com with THE WARRIOR TRAINER in the subject line. (One vote per person please). Voting ends January 1, 2006. Results will be posted online on January 23, 2006. The winner will be announced during the Awards Luncheon on May 19, 2006, at the RT Booklovers Convention in Daytona Beach, FL. Your e-mail address will be kept confidential.

Just so you know what you're voting for, here are the particulars from the contest website (which you can also visit here):

THE WARRIOR TRAINER

Heroine:

Scotia of Glencarron, a devoted swordswoman descended from a line of women warriors, must guard herself against those who challenge her title and seek the Stone of Destiny, an artifact important to the preservation of Scotland and coveted by her enemies, who wish to take control of the country. Trained by her demanding mother to be a warrior in the ancient ways at the cost of her femininity, Scotia feels unworthy of love and wrestles with the responsibility of continuing her lineage.

Hero:

Ian MacKinnon, a bastard by birth, yearns for the chance to become his clan's champion when a group of renegade Englishmen march through Scotland demolishing clans and villages as they search for the Stone of Destiny. Ian vows to defend his clan from this new terror, but to succeed, he must learn to fight in the ways of the ancients from Scotia, the legendary Warrior Trainer.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Now this is more like it! A sword-handy warrior who's ready to do a little schooling on her man. I already like Scotia.

Leslie Kazanjian -- A woman warrior and the proud Scots bastard who must humble himself to learn her martial arts -- this pair promises more sparks than the swords that will surely clash.

To vote for THE WARRIOR TRAINER e-mail webmaster@romantictimes.com with "THE WARRIOR TRAINER" in the subject line.

In addition to voting, if you're feeling really beneficent, let other folks know about Gerri and the contest. (Send them this whole page.) The more votes, the merrier!

By the way, if you let Gerri know you voted for her, she'll toss your name in a hat and draw a winner. If yours is the name drawn, you could be the rougish Scots bastard or nubile sword-wielder (or their equivalents, more accurately) in her next novel (and, while not yet published, she's won national awards for her work and clearly will be). I'm hoping for stable boy who turns out to be a warrior prince, myself.

ANOTHER REASON TO HATE A-ROD

2005-12-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER REASON TO HATE A-ROD

So Alex Rodriguez will play in the very cool upcoming World Baseball Classic event this March. That's awesome.

But, even though he was born in New York and grew up in Miami, he's going to play for the Dominican Republic.

Maybe I don't know a lot about his upbringing, but I hadn't heard that he'd spent a large amount of time growing up in the Dominican (though apparently, his parents are). We aren't talking Sammy Sosa and the old milk-container-as-a-glove story. I had heard that Rodriguez and Doug Mientkiewicz were teammates in high school, and that Mientkiewicz and his teammates apparently spent all their free time at Rodriguez's house. I don't think it was in the Dominican.

I think I sense Rodriguez's desperation to win something. Anything. Poor rich little A-Rod has all that money, but looks like he won't ever win a championship.

I wonder if that explains why Mike Piazza is going to play for Italy? Isn't Piazza from outside Philadelphia?

While I'm at it, here's a shout out to our own government, which has chosen to prohibit Cuba from participating. I originally wanted to blame Castro, but that's my early 1960s upbringing; no, it's the US Treasury Department's fault. Man that Bush Administration... always up to something good!

JOURNALISM APRILS ON

2005-12-14T17:27:00.000-08:00

JOURNALISM APRILS ON

The scariest error I have ever heard of in print is still the one made by the hiking magazine that sent hikers to a killer cliff in England (story here; note I corrected yesterday's misrecollection of it being a cliff in Germany) but here's a fun (scary?) wrapup of 2005.

I wish I could get Blogger to post pictures properly again...

HAVE YOU BOUGHT YOUR FESTIVUS POLE YET?

2005-12-12T13:31:00.000-08:00

HAVE YOU BOUGHT YOUR FESTIVUS POLE YET?

Well, have you, punk?

FRANK MANCUSO, IS THAT YOU?

2005-12-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

FRANK MANCUSO, IS THAT YOU?

If that's you commenting, hey, nice to hear from you... you should drop an email or something.

MAYBE "STRAIGHT" WOULD BE THE PROBLEM?

2005-12-07T12:53:00.000-08:00

MAYBE "STRAIGHT" WOULD BE THE PROBLEM?

A link from the website for the upcoming New York Comic-Con advertises that those Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys are looking for candidates to make over at the New York Comic-Con.

Quick observations:

1) I didn't even know there was a New York comic convention again. I hope Phil Seuling is happy in heaven.

2) I wonder whether there are enough fans to meet their criteria: 25-40 and straight. Heck, when Interlac started, I thought everyone was straight. Hoo boy, was I wrong!

3) One of the sub-categories the Queer Eye guys are seeking is a fan about to have a baby -- only he has too many comics and such. Like any self-respecting fan will choose a baby over a vg/mint copy of Green Lantern #76.

But don't let me stop you. Go ahead and volunteer, or nominate someone -- all they have to do is be a comic geek in the New York metropolitan area.

Thank goodness I'm now in Seattle...

I'M NOT SAYING THE ONE HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER...

2005-12-06T14:01:00.000-08:00

I'M NOT SAYING THE ONE HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER...

But, just days after Ford Motor Company agreed to stop advertising in gay publications, three vehicles in President Bush's motorcade from Camp David rearended each other.

IT'S FURNITURE AND IT'S PORN!

2005-12-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

IT'S FURNITURE AND IT'S PORN!

Hey, it's the holiday season. Go crazy.

HEY -- I DIDN'T WRITE THIS STORY!

2005-12-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

HEY -- I DIDN'T WRITE THIS STORY!

You can imagine how amused I was to discover that one of Yahoo's most forwarded stories is the one titled, "Is George Bush the Worst President -- Ever?"

I guess I need to redesign my poll (moved to the bottom of the left column earlier today, in case you hadn't noticed) to include James Buchanan, identified by columnist Richard Reeves as the president most historians think was the worst.

As the second Dumbya term careens along like a kid's wagon falling off a cliff, it strikes me that Our President is more strikingly reminiscent of the string of Tammany buffoons who were mayors of New York in the second half of the nineteenth century. Everything is about who you know, who you drank with, whose friend of your parents needs a consulting paycheck, all of it wrapped up in one great big ball of "My way or the highway."

It's all Franklin Delano Roosevelt's fault. Had he not been such an innovative, brilliant, and beloved president, he never would have been elected four times, and the Republicans would never have been impelled to propose the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution. Thanks to that bit, no second-term president ever has to worry about what the American public thinks, because liked or disliked, he's out of there. Would Iran-Contra have happened had Reagan (and more likely, his aides) been positioning himself for a third term? Would Congressional Republicans have felt it necessary to impeach Bill Clinton if they knew he'd have to face the American public in 2000? Look how effective the chance to run again was in 1968, when Lyndon Johnson resigned rather than risk a defeat at the polls.

Is George W. Bush the worst president in American history? I can't say. I know he's the worst one in my lifetime.

JOKE OF THE DAY

2005-12-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

JOKE OF THE DAY

Scientists revealed that herring can communicate. Their medium: Breaking wind. Little bubbles of information help them gather together for the evening, join together, and stay safe.

Is it any wonder that President Bush loves Tex-Mex cuisine?

COMICS CHARACTERS MOVE THE MAIL IN 2006!

2005-11-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

COMICS CHARACTERS MOVE THE MAIL IN 2006!

Superman, Batman (without Robin!), Wonder Woman, Supergirl, The Flash, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Hawkman, Plastic Man, and Aquaman will become the Postal League of America next year as the featured images on a series of commemorative stamps issued by the United States Postal Service, as reported on Newsarama and brought to my attention by Harry Broertjes.

Here's the image I'm trying to upload (without cooperation from Blogger).

According to the USPS, the series will be followed in 2007 by Marvel characters. See the USPS release here.

I've got to guess that the comics stamps are the result of the Postal Service's short-lived make-your-own-stamp program, in which you could provide an image that would be made into a stamp. I wonder how many images of SANDMAN got uploaded...?

Ah, well, after Marvel it's only a short step to Charlton, Atlas, and First. Grimjack, anyone?

37 YEARS LATER, RFK STILL DOES GOOD

2005-11-30T10:47:00.000-08:00

37 YEARS LATER, RFK STILL DOES GOOD
Robert F. Kennedy Memorial to Host Online Charity Auction with charityfolks.com

The Robert F. Kennedy Memorial will host a charity auction online December 1-12 through the Charity Folks Online Auction Website (www.charityfolks.com) featuring many one-of-a-kind experiences and items. The goal of Ethel Kennedy, friends, colleagues and supporters of the Memorial is to support the Memorial’s human rights and social justice work around the globe.

The word is out, and I don't think I'll be able to bid on any of these goodies:

• Shark fishing off Nantucket with former Congressman Joe Kennedy
• Tour the Spy Museum in Washington, DC with former CIA Chief William Webster
• Diving expedition in search of Columbus’s Santa Maria with renowned treasure hunter and pirate ship explorer Barry Clifford off the coast of Haiti
• Private lunch with Charles Grodin, Regis Philbin, and Alan Alda at a New York City restaurant
• Lunch with Bob Woodward, followed by a tour of the Washington Post
• Roundtrip travel on the Boston Bruins’ team plane to Montreal. Stay in the team hotel and ice it off with seats to the game
• Face down the green monster from President Kennedy’s seats at Fenway Park
• Tickets, airfare and a stay at the Four Seasons to see the ultra-exclusive “Christmas in Washington,” the annual holiday music celebration under the gracious patronage of the President and First Lady and broadcast by TNT. The concert features American Idol winner Carrie Underwood; country music superstars Rascal Flatts; new R&B songstress Ciara and Gospel great CeCe Winans, with more artists to be added
• See the Boston Red Sox from the player’s perspective with Dugout seats at Fenway Park
• Have Alec Baldwin help pick you a pound puppy at a New York or Los Angeles auction
• Drinks at PJ Clarke’s in New York with Law and Order’s Sam Waterson
• Walk-on role in the hit series Desperate Housewives.

Bidding will take place over the 12-day period on www.charityfolks.com with all bids closing on December 12. Proceeds from the auction will benefit the Robert F. Kennedy Memorial, a 501 (3) (c) non-profit organization. The Robert F. Kennedy Memorial works "to realize RFK’s dream of a peaceful and just world through domestic and international programs working to empower the disadvantaged and oppressed through supporting our next generation of leaders and tackling the toughest problems facing our society" (though apparently not well-constructed sentences).

Source: Robert F. Kennedy Memorial

So, if you're Christmas-shopping for that hard-to-buy-for bleeding heart liberal, here's a great place to spend your money.

And I just thought of something... with Republicans in power, and since they have all the money, maybe these items won't take that big a bid to win.

Okay, my twenty bucks is in. And, if you're buying for me, I'll settle for the Desperate Housewives gig or the lunch with Grodin, Philbin, and Alda.

MY OWN PARTICULAR DEATH

2005-11-28T08:23:00.000-08:00

MY OWN PARTICULAR DEATH

You will drink too much gin. Not the worst way to die, but you won't remember too much of your life. Hey, at least you made some people laugh!

In checking out Jennifer Agee's website, I see my own spouse will be asphyxiated by a rug. Don't know what to make of that.

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

CANADA GEARS FOR INTERGALACTIC WAR

2005-11-27T09:25:00.000-08:00

CANADA GEARS FOR INTERGALACTIC WAR

I guess they're worried about those tourists without American dollars. Thanks to Harry Broertjes for forwarding the story.

ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH TECHNOLOGY (FANS OF SPELLCHECK MIGHT NOT GET THIS)

2005-11-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH TECHNOLOGY (FANS OF SPELLCHECK MIGHT NOT GET THIS)

The spouse recently forwarded this to me, as collected by Laura Ann Gilman, who, like my spouse, posts on Livejournal.com (as suricattus).

People spend a lot of time thinking up their children's names. It's just a pity they don't always think as hard about their domain names.

Firstly there is Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
http://www.whorepresents.com

Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views:
http://www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:
http://www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try:
http://www.therapistfinder.com

And there is an Italian Power company:
http://www.powergenitalia.com

Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
http://www.molestationnursery.com

Brings me back to college and the case study of the Chevrolet they couldn't sell in Spanish-speaking countries: the Nova.

WANT TO SELL COMIC BOOKS?

2005-11-23T13:19:00.000-08:00

WANT TO SELL COMIC BOOKS?

I see that DC Comics has again advertised for a new marketing director. (It also looks like DC needs a new proofreader; read the ad carefully.)

I think I sent my resume off in April or so, when this last got posted to Publisher's Marketplace, mostly as a way to say hi to my former employer and fellow Legion fan, Paul Levitz.

Think I should apply seriously this time? I wonder if they'd let me live and work from here in Seattle...

TIME FOR MARINERS TO TRADE ICHIRO SUZUKI?

2005-11-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

TIME FOR MARINERS TO TRADE ICHIRO SUZUKI?

Okay, this has been bugging me for a while. It ain't Plamegate, but it's important to me.

Apparently, Ichiro Suzuki, the much-ballyhooed right fielder and leadoff hitter for the Seattle Mariners, is unhappy with field manager Mike Hargrove (at least according to the Kyodo News Service). Hargrove, with four fewer seasons in Seattle and who never could get four 35-foot singles in a season, much less a single game, is said to make Suzuki unhappy because he does not make the same demands on his players that Suzuki makes of himself.

If he ain’t happy, send him away.

I’m not a huge Ichiro fan. There are things he does that are clearly amazing, but his whole approach to the game between the lines confuses me.

I have seen Suzuki single to lead off an inning, then sit on first base waiting for the minuscule Seattle offense to score him without a stolen base. He appears unwilling to risk being thrown out. I have also seen him bunt for a hit with two out and a runner on second. Getting a runner from second to third with two out is of marginal utility, especially with the series of mediocre second-place hitters the Mariners have employed of late. Suzuki appears to have some mastery of the bat; I’d rather he put the ball in play and give that runner on second a chance to score. Granted, they play for two differently packed offensive lineups, but compare Suzuki’s runs batted in to those of Boston’s Johnny Damon.

One other thing Damon does is take the base on balls. It appears that Suzuki is unwilling to take a walk, even if it helps the team. Suzuki recently faulted his teammates for not “having a positive feeling at the plate. Like being up on a 3-1 count and hoping for a walk, and the next pitch is a ball. Or, with the same count, you think you’re going to crush it.” The problem is that he instead prefers to swing wildly at a 3-1 pitch out of the strike zone, reducing his chances of reaching base from 100% on a walk to 33% on a single. With his low walk count, his on base percentage as a leadoff hitter does not compare well unless his batting average is well over .350. With his unorthodox swing, it appears that he must start the bat before the pitcher is finished with the windup, so it’s possible that Suzuki can’t change his mind, once committed. If so, his skill set is flawed.

I fear that Suzuki just does not do well as a team player. The “me first” attitude that is so uncharacteristically Japanese starts with his arrogant desire to force us all to call him by his first name only. Even today’s great North American players don’t do that; we all know who “Barry,” “Pedro,” and “Manny” and their egos are, even if there are others in the game with that same first name.

Right now, I almost wish I hadn't bought so many Ichiro Suzuki souvenirs to send to in-laws in Japan.

With the Mariners’ unique ownership situation, it looks to be essential to have a Japanese superstar. Watching Hideki Matsui play for the Yankees, I only wish it were he – with the ability to hit in the clutch (remember that double against Pedro in the 2003 ALCS?) – and not Ichiro Suzuki who played for the Mariners. The Yankees have signed Matsui for another four seasons, but I’d make trade for Godzilla in a minute. Seattle could still have a Japanese superstar – heck, Matsui was bigger than Suzuki was prior to 2001 – and Suzuki would indeed be valuable to the Yankees, who would benefit from having a genuine leadoff hitter. And, I'm betting, Matsui would not sit and stew, but would instead actually lead the other players on the team.

PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR WMDs WEREN'T

2005-11-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR WMDs WEREN'T

While wandering the Internet this morning, I ran across this website, which believes that if you buy Iraqi dinars, you'll make a killing when the country finally shrugs off those annoying suicide bomb attacks and resumes shipping oil to debt-laden democracies.

Me, I don't like the odds, but maybe you will. There's a funny pro-Dumbya joke there, too.

IS AL-QAEDA ABOUT TO STRIKE BELGIUM?

2005-11-21T12:39:00.000-08:00

IS AL-QAEDA ABOUT TO STRIKE BELGIUM?

Remember that here in the United States prior to the September 11, 2001 attacks by al-Qaeda, we were entranced with stories about sharks and missing Congressional interns?

Well, in Belgium they're worrying about whether it's a good idea for the state to subsidize prostitution for the disabled. Right now, they'll pay for masturbation supplies, but they won't pony up for a hooker. Governments have to draw the line somewhere, you know.

Meanwhile, Stephen Hawking tossed out his first wife and married a second. The world confuses me.

All I know is that if this is the biggest issue in Brussels, I wouldn't be taking mass transit there right now.

HOW AMERICAN ARE YOU?

2005-11-20T15:16:00.000-08:00

HOW AMERICAN ARE YOU?

Our friend Jayanthi Gopalakrishnan, who is currently the editor of Technical Analysis of Stocks & Commodities magazine, an entrepreneur with her own business (Phantasia Chocolates), is a new American (she hails officially from India, though she grew up all over the globe). As she studied, we were amused to look at the materials she needed to know to become a citizen; materials that I was surprised proved difficult for some common US-born Americans to answer correctly.

Bill Hibler, a freelance client of mine (Quidnunc is his business) forwarded this to me. I'm proud to say that I got 29 of 30 correct. I hope you do at least as well.

The GOP Refuses To Let Its People Think

2005-11-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

Did you know if you went to GOP.com, the website for the Republican National Committee, it would WRITE letters to the editor for you?

This is one such letter.

Everything below is copy that Republicans don't believe members of their own party can say cogently in their own words.

For instance:

Nominations
Fix the Broken Nomination Process: President Bush believes that judges should strictly and faithfully interpret the law, rather than legislate from the bench. He has appointed judges to the Federal courts who share his judicial philosophy, and his appointees have been rated the best qualified of any recent Administration by the American Bar Association. No nominee to the Federal courts of appeals had ever been filibustered prior to the Bush Administration, but a minority of Senate Democrats has conspired to filibuster ten of President Bush's judicial nominees. President Bush will continue his efforts to end this obstructionist behavior.

And:

Social Security
Fix Social Security now once and for all: Social Security is sound for today's seniors and for those nearing retirement, but it needs to be fixed for younger workers - our children and grandchildren. The government has made promises it cannot afford to pay for with the current pay-as-you-go system. If we do not act to fix Social Security now, the only solutions will be dramatically higher taxes, massive new borrowing or sudden and severe cuts in Social Security benefits or other government programs.

And:

Safety and Security
Protect the Homeland: President Bush is committed to keeping the nation strong and secure through strengthening our military, deploying a missile defense, strengthening the NATO alliance and supporting military families and veterans. The President is committed to promoting an independent and democratic Iraq to ensure further stability in the Middle East and the world on the whole.

You see?

By the way, if you go to the Democratic site, it's only slightly better -- it provides talking points, but doesn't make it easy for you to drop DemPolitSpeak into a form and mail it off.

I have read that some newspapers have fallen for this charade, which saddens me. Follow links on Google for the phrase, "demonstrating genuine leadership."

Were I to write a real letter to the editor, I might point out that the luckiest thing to have happened for George W. Bush is Osama bin Laden. Without his heinous attacks, Bush and his "strategery" would have barely made it out of an incompetent first term.

The lesson here is that whatever we think -- favoring the president or the party in power, or opposed to it -- it's good to use our own brains to think about the guys in charge. Blind loyalty -- on either side -- just leads to bad results.

SEX AND VIOLENCE AT 15

2005-11-16T08:45:00.000-08:00

SEX AND VIOLENCE AT 15

Today's not-really-news-story-of-the-day is about a 37-year-old woman in Georgia who, for two years, has been having a sexual relationship with a teenaged boy. Like the case here in suburban Seattle, where a female 30-ish schoolteacher kept having sex -- and children -- with a middle-schooler, the story makes the national news primarily for its titillation quotient. I suspect that there are about as many of these instances as there are bird flu cases (at least, for the moment).

In Georgia, this woman is now pregnant. She did what some would consider the Right Thing -- she got married. Except that the boy is still 15, and while Georgia law permits children under 16 to marry with their parents' consent (can anyone say "sharia"?), apparently the 15-year-old father of a pregnant 37-year-old woman's fetus may not marry. I want the American religious right to explain THAT to me... I suspect that they want to have their fetus and stone the mother, too, but perhaps I'm stereotyping.

I have met well-adjusted, successful people whose parents were what I would consider ridiculously young, so this can't simply be a matter of presuming someone young can't handle a child.

More to the point, this case throws all sorts of water on the rush to try teenaged crime suspects as adults. If you can't be 15 and be married in Georgia, then one would presume that you shouldn't be tried for murder as an adult, either.

Is this the hobgoblin of small minds? Perhaps. I remain confused by laws that say that 18-year-olds are mature enough to incompletely sever chads in Florida, but can't buy a beer. And why should 16-year-olds be permitted to drive, but not get an abortion? And does it matter what the actual 16-year-old is like? I remember junior high school, where a room full of 14-year-old boys could include kids who were practically zygotes and kids with facial hair that would have shamed most middle-aged men and muscles that would have made Jose Canseco jealous. The girls were the same; some were better-developed than any centerfold model, while others were as two-dimensional as the page on which the photograph was printed.

Society demands more maturity of its children at all ages, but especially so at markers along their paths to adulthood. Two centuries ago, if a teenager could read and write and cook and sew or reap and sow, that was all that was necessary to get along. A century ago, you could still pretty much get by without much book-learning and awareness of the world. Today we have five-year-olds being dressed up to look like they belong in Vogue, ten-year-olds dealing drugs in middle school, and fifteen-year-olds who know more about technology than most people twice their age. More important, we expect children to understand things that would have been the crowning achievement of any thinker not too far in the past. And, for crying out loud, we give these children access to things that are inconceivably expensive and dangerous -- not just a car, but a luxury car; not just clothing, but designer clothing; not just a summer vacation but unchaperoned trips to Europe or Central America.

Is it any surprise, then, that adults in their 30s find themselves emotionally at ease with kids in their teens? Is it any surprise when adolescents misread the signals they're given by both parents and society at large? No, it shouldn't be.

So if we're saying that a 15-year-old is bright enough to figure that he shouldn't kill someone, then we must reasonably judge a 15-year-old bright enough to marry.

I'm just saying.

HILLARY? CONDOLEEZZA? NO! ZOD? YES!

2005-11-07T14:53:00.000-08:00

HILLARY? CONDOLEEZZA? NO! ZOD? YES!

In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty.

So says General Zod, an early candidate for the 2008 campaign for president. And, hey, if we change the Constitution to permit Arnold Schwarzenegger to run, it means Zod can, too!

RIGHT WING PORN

2005-11-04T14:32:00.000-08:00

You've got to read this post at Cyphering!

Then promise you won't buy any of these items.

YOUR COMMENTS HERE

2005-10-31T12:40:00.000-08:00

YOUR COMMENTS HERE

I am totally nude come see me. Take a bit for all pics and movies to load. Why do I do this I like to make men blow their jiz in their pants. Visit me. Posted by xx to Weird Tales of the Untrue and Mostly Facetious at 10/31/2005 03:20:38 AM

The one thing pornographers have in common with the deeply religious is that neither one of them can spell or correctly punctuate.

Now I have to securitize my site against posts like these, so you've been warned. And I'm not visiting your website, either.

FEELING SPOOKY?

2005-10-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

FEELING SPOOKY?

They're hiring at the CIA.

Back when I was in college, an acquaintance named Al Turniansky stayed with me while he was completing his interview with the CIA. I know they didn't hire him, and I don't remember much of what he told me (assuming he told me much; I presume everything was on a need-to-know basis almost as secretive as the non-disclosure agreements routinely required by Microsoft), but I do remember him saying something like this: "I answered an ad that was looking for people who liked to spend a lot of time alone, without much contact with people, for months at a time, and who liked doing very detailed work."

One more thing: The CIA jobs page has a recommendation from Jennifer Garner from the television show, Alias. Is that cool, or what?

COMING SOON TO A POLITICIAN OR MARKETER NEAR YOU

2005-10-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

COMING SOON TO A POLITICIAN OR MARKETER NEAR YOU

I have only seen hypnotism acts on television and mind-control devices in spy movies, but those wacky Japanese seem to be working toward making the world a more... controlled... place.

NTT, Japan's telecommunications giant, has developed a device that can control humans by shooting electricity into the human ear. Right now we're not talking about post-hypnotic suggestions to murder the president, but the researchers have been able to make a subject wearing the test helmet walk in a particular pattern.

The cover story is that this will make videogaming more fun, but already some are considering military applications, and police departments are thinking it would be a useful tool in helping to control a bad guy.

But, as with all technology, with the good comes the bad. Sure, you may be able to keep a hostage-taker off-balance long enough to capture him and free hostages. But if this technology works, wouldn't it be handy at a supermarket, a department store, a mall, or a casino? Apparently, says the reporter in the article I linked above, the experience is not unpleasant and you don't feel as if you're unhappy. So you wind up in front of the expensive wines instead of the $2 per liter stuff. How different is this from Muzak, which was programmed to elicit specific human responses? Or aroma?

And then... could people beam this electricity at you from a distance, making you into their remote puppet? It might be fun at a sporting event... folks in the stands without theirs might wonder why the running back turned and ran the wrong way with the football.

Could you work this more than ninety feet from a polling place?

Yes, guns don't kill people, people kill people. But goodness gracious, we are just asking for it with some of the things we're trying to figure out, aren't we?

ANOTHER COMMIE FAG PINKO FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY

2005-10-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER COMMIE FAG PINKO FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY

I know I've got Mike Gold's blog linked over below and to the left, but his most recent post about the pitiful thing that television news has become is must reading.

TAKE THAT, YOU DAMNED DIRTY APES!

2005-10-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

TAKE THAT, YOU DAMNED DIRTY APES!

According to a poll reported by CBSNews.com this morning, most Americans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution.

I think this pretty much explains everything about the red states and the blue states, Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives, mediocrity and merit. Only 30% polled thought that there was room for a deity to have initiated the process of evolution.

In fairness to the religious conservatives out there who take the Old Testament as literal and not allegorical, the scientific community has not been able to prove the Theory of Evolution. Then again, Einstein's work was still a theory when American atomic weapons obliterated two cities in Japan. And for you religious folks out there, let's not forget poor Galileo. He, too, butted up against monolithic Christianity, dying in prison for writing that the earth orbits the sun.

I hate to bring religion into the conversation, but if we're going to have a planet where your theory that God is blue and my theory that God is green means we have to wind up killing each other, we've missed the boat, it seems.

As for Darwin's theory, it's as plausible as anything else. I suspect that if you're going to take the Old Testament literally, all the bones of animals that no longer exist can be those that didn't quite make old Noah's boat. And there's no doubt that humans, throughout their existence, have often misinterpreted their observations of the universe, constructing reasonable models that worked.

But once more we're faced in the US with a hairline difference in our opinions, a difference so model-thin that it means we'll just yell at and hate each other for years and years. That just makes no sense.

I'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU, AND THEY AIN'T 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'...

2005-10-14T12:24:00.000-07:00

I'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU, AND THEY AIN'T 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'...

According to this story, Americans are ruder than ever, not just when visiting France, but here.

Well, duh.

The article blames parents who are too harried to care, but it's not just that the kids haven't been taught the proper fork for the salad course. It's a generation, perhaps two, of Americans who aren't bright enough to perceive the difference between "rude" and "casual."

Here's what I'd like to see. I'd like to see someone like Snoop Doggy Diddy hosting a show on being polite on MTV or BET or UPN. Even better, whichever of these young hip hop idols is most popular should start dressing and speaking better.

But let's move the issue away from popular culture, where, although the problem is pervasive, the solution is simple. Let's move to the political arena, where rudeness passes for discourse these days. Just because you disagree with me (or I with you) is no excuse for namecalling or unfair characterization. There are numerous examples on all sides. We seem to not care that we're all in this together.

HERE'S A STUNNER...

2005-10-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

HERE'S A STUNNER...

You are a
Social Liberal
(70% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(25% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test